Cmon guys lets not spin this that MWD is trying to make money off of our situations. That sounds of bitterness and blaming someone else for our pain. If you read her books and pay attention she never claims she can save a marriage with any guarantee of any kind. Most folks on these boards come way to late and she is pretty clear about that. She shares prove psychological strategies for human interactions and yes you can read of these in many books. Laying this at her feet as a money making scheme is not really appropriate here. She is very honest that nothing you do guarantees a fix because nothing you do can control another person. If one buys her books and coaching with an expectation of 100% success then, well I would challenge that one looks within because they will know the truth and the truth is that is not a reality, that would be brainwashing and controlling Why don't we blame ourselves for getting married in the first place. There was only a 50% chance of success. Not really great odds when flipping a coin now is it?
I know you are in pain and it easy to blame the world, but ultimately it is wasted energy and does not help progression for what each of us can control.
Anyway, not here to convince anyone of something they don't want to hear nor believe, but I know her information and my coaching sessions have been paramount in getting back on track and fighting the good fight. I spent plenty of time and money seeking information and this was the info that was most honest straightforward and beneficial.
I hope you can find what you need, but I would encourage keeping the focus positive and non blaming as we each have our own shortcomings to fix I believe.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I still do not regret reading MWD books or paying money for DB counseling sessions. Twenty years from now if I can look back and say I did my best and tried everything I could to save my marriage, well that's all I can do.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
That is how I feel qt...I wasn't going to purchase the DB sessions (3 sessions) but I thought I have to try everything so I can look back and say I gave it my all...
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I know you have been going through a rough time with your sitch and then your health. I can not imagine the struggle mentally and emotionally you are trying to plow through as physically I was in great great condition and I know that aided in my mental recovery. I sense in your postings a man that knows much more deep down in his heart about how to get through this and be strong about it. Your daily gratitude and other efforts in a tough situation show me that. I also remember how just a short time ago I was in the emotional state that nothing positive seemed to stick no matter who said it. But deep down I knew they were right, but my mind would not accept it. But they were right. Now I look back and want to smack myself in the head because I was so lost and for no reason. Well there was a reason but the affect mentally was unlike anything I ever experienced. So I don't ramble on, my point is I can see that you are a good dude and you are in the LBS fog something thick. Don't stop! Don't ignore those that have gotten out of it and are calling out to assist you. Don't give into the despair. It is your mind trying to protect itself, but in reality it is causing more harm than needed. Take control of those reigns from the autopilot mind and keep going.
Be kind to those sharing advice and 2x4's as you know they want to help. Arguing the advice does not help. They know the pain and work needed to clear the fog. They do not judge you nor look down on you. They were there just as you are. You don't have to accept not believe the advice,but I would challenge you try it out before making a conclusion. New header sitch is different, but there are many similarities and that is how we build up to a good place. Have you sought out success stories? I have and the success comes from many approaches, but similarities exsist as well. MWD has studied and compiled that info. M stated to have some ground work than none right? We gotta give our best effort from there.
Be well today my friend and may you feel some peace and calm. I am here to support encourage and try to talk sense to you when needed. But it is your journey and you will decide how you proceed and what advice you will follow if any.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Did your coach say to expect your W to respond and if she didn't what action you were supposed to do?
No I don't expect any sort of response at this point. I send messages and say stuff just so i know that I've said certain things, even if there's no response. I think I'm at the point betterm arrived at a few weeks ago where I just don't give a sh1t anymore, and my communications are all over the place because I've just been saying whatever I want. What does it matter. There's very slim chance I'm in that 3% of people who's marriages can be saved. At least I've said what was in my heart.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
I still do not regret reading MWD books or paying money for DB counseling sessions. Twenty years from now if I can look back and say I did my best and tried everything I could to save my marriage, well that's all I can do.
Now that's what I'm talking about and that is good to hear from you. We will look back at this in 20 years and everything we do will be what I hope we look back on with pride. That is all we can do and all that life is.m we will make mistakes, but learning from them is the key to success. We only fail if we give up. Have a wonderful day my friend. I will catch up with you later as I better get back to work.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I think I'm at the point betterm arrived at a few weeks ago where I just don't give a sh1t anymore, and my communications are all over the place because I've just been saying whatever I want. What does it matter. There's very slim chance I'm in that 3% of people who's marriages can be saved. At least I've said what was in my heart.
qt, I relate to this sentiment so much. There's been so many times where I've felt like "Oh well, it's already over, might as well say what's on my mind." I was only saying these things because I figured it was already over. Unfortunately, early on in the separation that's actually what swayed my husband towards a divorce. I try and keep that in mind, that he said he was done but wasn't at one point. It helps me continue to keep a filter and prevents me from reaching out to him.
I still struggle with that a lot though. I've been debating all day sending him a message. I'm going to sit on it another week. Stay strong, we're all in this together.
M 24 H 27 together 6 • married 3.5 BD round #3: 07/10/2016
I feel like I'm much further along than you, and I definitely support you staying strong and in control. In my case, it's pretty much over. The papers have been served, I have been doing everything in my power to fix my personal problems that have contributed to my D - my addiction problems, the lying, I've been going to 12 step meetings and therapy, I've been trying to GAL as much as I can while being bedridden most of the time. I'm at the point right now where - it's just too painful, this D train is rolling and I am not even able to say what's in my heart?
Now that I have said and done everything I could - I feel like I can let go of all expectations, and accept the D is happening. It's much easier to deal with my life and all of the legal stuff that's coming up for me, without walking on eggshells.
I'm not quite there, but I'm at the point where I *want* to not care anymore. Sooner or later I'll get there and it will be easier for me to deal with everything.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
I know you have been going through a rough time with your sitch and then your health. I can not imagine the struggle mentally and emotionally you are trying to plow through as physically I was in great great condition and I know that aided in my mental recovery. I sense in your postings a man that knows much more deep down in his heart about how to get through this and be strong about it. Your daily gratitude and other efforts in a tough situation show me that. I also remember how just a short time ago I was in the emotional state that nothing positive seemed to stick no matter who said it. But deep down I knew they were right, but my mind would not accept it. But they were right. Now I look back and want to smack myself in the head because I was so lost and for no reason. Well there was a reason but the affect mentally was unlike anything I ever experienced. So I don't ramble on, my point is I can see that you are a good dude and you are in the LBS fog something thick. Don't stop! Don't ignore those that have gotten out of it and are calling out to assist you. Don't give into the despair. It is your mind trying to protect itself, but in reality it is causing more harm than needed. Take control of those reigns from the autopilot mind and keep going.
Be kind to those sharing advice and 2x4's as you know they want to help. Arguing the advice does not help. They know the pain and work needed to clear the fog. They do not judge you nor look down on you. They were there just as you are. You don't have to accept not believe the advice,but I would challenge you try it out before making a conclusion. New header sitch is different, but there are many similarities and that is how we build up to a good place. Have you sought out success stories? I have and the success comes from many approaches, but similarities exsist as well. MWD has studied and compiled that info. M stated to have some ground work than none right? We gotta give our best effort from there.
Be well today my friend and may you feel some peace and calm. I am here to support encourage and try to talk sense to you when needed. But it is your journey and you will decide how you proceed and what advice you will follow if any.
SH_
You've been so supportive of me and your words and your previous posts have been a huge source of wisdom.
I'm sorry I feel like I don't have enough patience for this, and my sickness (lack of sleep and meds etc) has not helped me stay in a right frame of mind. Yeah I think I've been living in the fog for a long time. And I am *so* grateful for everyone's support - please do not get me wrong - everyone on here, everyone in my life. I know you guys mean well and just want me to be happy. Whatever screwups I make are my fault. It's just that right now, it just seems like everyone's just throwing platitudes at me - time heals all wounds, you'll get through this, the kids will be fine (!!! - this one really gets me), whatever's meant to happen will happen - and I know these 'platitudes' are correct. Something in my heart just did not want to accept them.
I guess what I'm saying is that - I want to accept them now, and I want to accept the situation - I think I'm done worrying my SITCH to death and causing myself so much pain. I'm just not there yet. I will be sooner or later.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
I think I'm at the point betterm arrived at a few weeks ago where I just don't give a sh1t anymore, and my communications are all over the place because I've just been saying whatever I want. What does it matter. There's very slim chance I'm in that 3% of people who's marriages can be saved. At least I've said what was in my heart.
If you don't care whether you are married anymore and don't care what kind of relationship you have with the mother of your children, then by all means, say whatever you want to make you "feel better" right now. It matters because it's about YOU. the DB "jiu-jitsu" is about learning to be a better communicator, it's about personal growth. Frankly, the DB process is not that complicated - it's basically about figuring out what you want and taking steps to achieve that. And when you review your status and change your goals, then walk towards those.
I liken the whole process to climbing Mt Everest - sure, you could do it yourself. You might even make it. But wouldn't you want guides and tools to help you succeed? And even if you hire the guides that lay it out perfectly and minimize all of the dangers, there's still a chance of bad weather or some other factors ruining your plans. I know if it were me, I'd want someone in my corner that had navigated the mountain hundreds or thousands of times before.
