Ciluzen - I think having contact with the MLCer is a slippery slope. A year ago this time my h was a talker and I heard all sorts of things I now wish I could backspace.

I began building this safe place for him while I worked on listening, validating, etc. The problem is that the MLCers' perception is so warped that, eventually, they cross a line and say something so hurtful, awful and just bizarre. But their empathy chips are so busted, they're oblivious they're even doing it.

Only you can know how physically and emotionally present you want to be through this process. It's okay to pull back, be less available upon demand and put you first in a kind, cordial fashion.

Definitely make sure you stand your ground and look out for your financial welfare. (I see some paranoia there in his view that you're out to bilk him.)

Keep going; you are doing so great!

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced