Detachment and the end of limbo, sort of...

[Phoebe]

Hello, SH! I'm doing terribly with the TEDtalks, actually, just as I'm struggling with the damn financial paperwork. I've been staring at it for days, worked on in a couple weeks ago to no avail, and tonight I've been working on it for the last 7 hours. SO much to sort out and sort through and go locate and realize I don't have, and, and, and...

It's no fun whatsoever, and my procrastination skills have many many years of being honed, so... Plainly I'm here taking a break and procrastinating, instead of working on them right this very moment. Honestly, though, It's after 4 am and I am sick and tired of it all. The only problem is that I promised them to my L by tomorrow. That's not going to happen, at least not in the first half of the day.

Crud.

WHat helps even less is that it's just been a crummy day all around.

I received some mail last night from my H's L about attempting service, and what bothered me a whole lot was that H perjured himself in the affidavit he signed. He swore it was truthful that our home here is a "vacation property." I'd like to hear about all the vacations we took to our own home. If this place is a vacation, then I need to go back to work so I can have some time off. I work my tail off here, and this was our full time home for all of 2015. Of course he also signed a statement that I gradually began to spend more time at the vacation property before separation. All bullsh1t. I was following him around like a dog before separation, which is in itself, nonsense. Running away from home does not equal separation in my book. That would be abandonment, not separation.

Anyway, that and a few other choice whoppers made me upset before bed, so I had terrible dreams all night long of dead and dying cats and kittens, and reminders of H's treachery in the form of a "for sale" sign placed right outside the front window at the farm, and more fun dream stuff. It was awful and the threat to my farm and the cats really put me over the top. The result was that I woke up angry, which is extremely unusual for me, and that feeling kept bubbling up throughout the day.

It had me beating up on L-friend and just generally on edge all day, to the point that I ended up taking Xanax for the first time in weeks just to cut the anger when I found myself starting to hyperventilate while I was sitting all by myself in a quiet room. Not good. L-freind is really a trooper. I apologized and I cried, and was all over the map, and he just hung in there and offered comfort. Of course, maybe it was the homemade dinner that won him over? We also went for a bike ride, and I ran a bunch of errands with him early on in the day, so I wasn't all bad. I just felt that way.

Anyway, it's been a marginal kind of day and it is apparently not ending any time soon. 4:20 and all is not particularly well. Nor is it particularly awful. What is it is a gosh darn BOTHER, and I want to go to bed. Soon I'll call it, well not good-enough, but as done as it's getting until I get some shut-eye.

Back to work.

SH, I may finally be able to put your stay up all night sleep reset to the test!

I hope that everyone is well today.

I can't wait to talk to my therapist tomorrow. I saw him twice last week, and I'm still up to my eyeballs in this mess. I am overwhelmed, over-scheduled, and over-paperworked, and generally wish this was all over already, yet the D part of the journey has just barely begun. Oy veh.

[SH_]

Phoebe! My dear Phoebe!

It is time to slow it down a bit.
Make a plan. A plan that includes time to take care of yourself.
You are burning the candle at all 5 ends it would seem.
It is a marathon and you need to slow down.
Your GAL sounds to have you going faster than may be good for you at all times.

I challenge you now to schedule alone time that you can do some things to strengthen your mental and emotional fortitude.
Meditation.
Ted Talks
Reading of information that benefits your emotional state.
Loving yourself
Facing your fears and inner demons

You need this. Stress from to much will not benefit you.
Please trust me on this. We are much the same as I gather from the time we have shared our stories and I relate to what you are going through, but I am learning that we can take control of it more than we thought.

(((((Phoebe)))))

Slow
Calm
Breath
Focus
Acknowledge
Let it pass and feel your inner strength, peace and calm.

[Vanilla]

Phoebe

I get it, truly.

My fins paperwork took me 5 months to do, but I did it well.

Stuff triggered me quite a bit and set off my PTSD several times, but its ok now.

I did it, its behind me and it's a relief. I had someone with me after every session I did. It was important to me, not to be alone.

I am glad I did the job properly.

V

[Phoebe]

Yes, you are absolutely right, SH, and today is another overdone type of day. I slept from 5-8 am, and then I was wide awake. Worked on my financial stuff more, but still didn't finish, saw my therapist, did more paperwork, spoke with multiple lawyers, and now I'm headed out for a hike with L-friend.

I know, I know. I'll slow down at done pony, but you're totally right. The burning the candle from 5 ends is dead on.

[BluWave]

(((Phoebe)))

Slow down and smell the flowers. You inspire me. I think a wonderful life is right around the corner for you. All in time.

-Blu

[Phoebe]

gosh, more autocorrect silliness!! "done pony" i supposed to be "some point," but I have to say that done pony is far more amusing as an end point.

I'm back to paperwork today, and the dentist. I am pretty sure I have an acutely abscessed tooth. Awesome. I knew I didn't have enough on my plate these days. The only good thing is that it happened while I still have dental insurance. Ta da!!!

Miss Vanilla, you are one amazing lady. You had some really difficult fins to sort out. I'm struggling with mine and there is no business. That must have been infinitely difficult.

I hope that everyone is having a good day.

[Phoebe]

Well, I'm on antibiotics and lots of ibuprofen. My dentist can't be sure which tooth it is, because I react to pressure on two adjacent teeth. The ibuprofen is barely holding me for 6 hours and my face is swollen and I am not a happy little camper. I needed this why???

Anyway, when the ibuprofen is on board it's tolerable, and hopefully the antibiotics will do their job soon and get it under control. I have a recheck in two weeks, at which point we will formulate some kind of plan for my silly teeth.

Anyway, I have accomplished exactly nothing today because it's been a bit hard to think, frankly. I wasn't up to accompanying L-friend for an evening workout, and I've just been laying low all day besides the dental visit. Even even had a couple naps, which isn't like me at all.

Back to chilling.

[Painter]

Sometimes your body will force you to relax... I hope your tooth recovers quickly, I hate tooth issues! It's a real design flaw that we just don't get a new set when we need to, like sharks.

I hope you get some sleep in spite of it. Maybe stack some extra pillows to minimize the pressure?

Can you get help to do the paperwork? An accountant? Or just a friend who is good at that kind of stuff?

[SH_]

Yuck!

Nothing worse than tooth issues IMO.

Hopefully you get some rest from things, but don't stay to isolated and really keep focused inward as physical ailments can wreck havoc on the emotional state if not kept in check.

Fill your mind with positive things (good time to catch up on a Ted Talk or two ) and meditate a bit. I would say the chocolate meditation, but that might not mix well with tooth boo boo's.

(((Phoebe)))

Hang in there. Be well and we need to reconnect a bit more frequently like the good old days.

[Sotto]

Hi Phoebe, I'm just dropping in to say I'm so sorry to hear about your tooth - that's horrid and I hope everything gets resolved soon. As SH says, it's hard to remain steady emotionally when you feel low physically, so just give yourself a break, do gentle things and let yourself heal. I hope you feel much better soon xx