What if you got hit by a bus, how would they start living and fending for themselves?
ExW's parents would probably take them in and coddle them like they do their own daughter. I have a SGLI policy through the military reserve. After the separation, I took my ex off it and removed all the kids from it too. I listed my sister as next of kin. She will do the right thing should something ever happen. My oldest is 25 and married. She was the same way, but moved out at 18 and moved out of state. She stumbled a little, but she got her head out of her a$$ and is now a supervisor with a major company. She grew up fast because she learned how to make it on her own. I wouldn't mind her having it, but she is a little gullible and exw keeps telling everyone these sob stories that she has no money and is poor.
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So I would start by announcing to the older children that since they do not work or go to school, they will have to start paying rent (let's say 100$ a month), also their phone bills and their shopping are their problems. They have a car? Lovely, insurance, gas and repairs are on them to take care of. They will be furious, but in the end they will thank you. The poor baby can't get work? Tough $hit, is he expecting to be Google CEO? I am sure Wallmarts needs bag boys, I am sure there is a McDonalds in your neck of the woods, flipping burgers for a couple of months will give him a whole new take on the world.
The two youngest are 16 and 17. They say they have been trying to get jobs, but make excuses. I think they THINK they want jobs, but will not take my advice on following up on applications because they know it all. I have told them I started at McDonald's at 14 and had many jobs in high school. During my senior year, I had 3 jobs at one time. I told them there are many ways to earn money. I even shoveled out horse stalls and other odd jobs. Their excuses are "we live in a job desert","it was easier to get a job when you were younger", and "they are only hiring people with experience" (yes, son actually said KFC wouldn't hire him because they wanted someone older and with more experience).
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So what if they refuse to pay rent? Not a problem, they can move out on their own and start living. You are doing your kids no favors by shielding them from the world. The kids need to respect you first and love you later. There can be no love without respect first. Right now you are just a walking wallet and a punching bag. If they see your W not having any respect for you, they think they can do the same.
I think you're 100% right on there. Son says when he turns 18 his girlfriend's mom is going to allow him to live there for $100/month. Not sure that will work out (I hope it doesn't), but I have no idea how he is going to get the money for rent. They do not respect me because mom doesn't respect me. I am still blown away that my daughter is angry at me for suing their mom when she is the one who sued me and started this whole thing. I just don't get it.
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If you do not think you are worthy of respect and love, no one else will think either.
I have heard that from others and I am trying to find a way to do it. I hesitated to take her to court because I thought "she is going to be angry. I don't want that". Then I realized (FINALLY) that her getting angry means she is not a reasonable person and that I have to do what I have to do. I have got to stop being afraid to make her mad. It has been going on for 18 years. I keep thinking that if she gets mad, she will be less likely to reconcile some day, but then I don't really want to be around someone I am afraid to make mad. Therapy has helped me understand that even though my heart is still broken.
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Please do not think I am making fun of you or taunting you. I too am growing a new pair, big brass ones.
No worries. I am not offended. Many others have said the same thing.
It would be so much easier if she were to decide it would be better to reconcile, but that is not likely to happen. She would rather stay angry, point out all my faults and continue playing the victim.
