Keeps getting worse, 180 not working

[Buxom]

Thanks again surfer!! A good night sleep is always good! I'd been sleeping well but woke anxious. Last night, my first night away, was not great but I'm trying not to use any sleep aid while away. Maybe I should!

I struggle with the cake eating idea too. Then I think I can't control what he does, only me. And I feel I cannot create an environment that he'd want to run from. I'm doing well with 180 and being light and busy. I don't condone the cake eating and really I don't know what he's up to. For all I know he did end the PA as stated. The ea is another matter. I've heard it can take a while to fully disengage from it. All the waiting and wondering if I'm doing it all right is wearing on me.

Today's been up and down emotionally. Fighting the head and the heart. I've re-read detachment, read chapter three in DR,and I keep picturing myself being calm and serene when he's home and away. I've read about compassion and I want to project that rather than giving him the finger thru closed doors or walls. Never in front of anyone but it does affect me much longer.