You've been given excellent advice by the posters. I agree, that if he does come to you and wants to talk, just listen. Do not offer up opinions/suggestions unless he asks for them. Do not agree to any financial conditions that he may present...just listen. If he's frustrated, say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or if he presents some recommendations on how to divide up assets say "I'll need to think about that" and just let the subject die down a bit. Nothing has to be decided there and then about the divorce. Once you know what is on his mind w/respect to the divorce, seek legal representation and go from there.
Sometimes, when we aren't sure what to do, the best thing to do is nothing, i.e., sit quietly and the answers will come.
I do hope that you are feeling better today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello all, It's been a good while since I posted. I still read occasionally but have very little to add to the conversation right now. Actually, over the last few weeks I really had no desire to read up here, and felt myself slipping away. What I mean is- I have been feeling very detached with no desire to think about h or my sitch. Just Galing and having fun. I was feeling so disconnected that i recently forced myself to come back to these boards to try to muster up some emotional ties to my situation. How weird is that? I spent months trying to detach and now I'm forcing myself to circle back and care again!! By reading these boards, it keeps me connected to what my purpose is. The consequence is.... I then start to spin over h a little. Crazy how this all plays out from day to day and week to week.
In order to get myself invested in my sitch again, I decided to read mleighs thread in its entirety. (Sorry mleigh if that is stalkerish and creepy!) while our stories are vastly different, there were some similarities in the beginning in terms of our h's behavior. The parallels between all of our sitch's still amazes me! I used to love my h because I thought he was extraordinary! Meh- not so much. He's like so many of our spouses here. I do want to give a shoutout to you, mleigh because your consistency throughout your tenure as Wife of MLC Man is just inspiring! I need to learn that patience and consistency.... It's very remarkable.
Last night I had to drive by the old house around 9:30 and saw lots of pretty lights on in the backyard. Was h having an awesome nighttime pool party with a gal pal?? No mind reading, but that's where the mind goes! We haven't had our follow-up convo regarding the D and I'm not bringing it up... But I suspect it's coming any day now.
Personally, I'm doing pretty good. I sprained my ankle about 4 weeks ago and am just now trying to run on it. So far, I can only go about 1 mile before it starts giving me problems. So now I'm riding an exercise bike at a really hard level. The injury really put a damper on my triathlon training, but I still managed some light swimming in the interim. Uch- got to catch up big time!
Yesterday, I had an opportunity to speak to one of our work volunteers. He told me the beautiful story about how he met his wife. They've been together for 56 years and they are still very much in love. I told him how much I loved his story. Then he pulls out a card from his back pocket that says " attitude is everything.... P.M.A". How awesome is that!!!!??? He was a psychologist for many years so he knows what's up!
Hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
I hear ya about the boards. I come and go and waves now as well but find it hard to comment on anyone's situation. You seem to be doing well though!!
Careful with that ankle. Sprains are the worst! I twisted my ankle so bad playing hockey that I ended up breaking my leg... but the ankle sprain is what took forever to heal. Nice and easy and the swimming is perfect! Good luck getting back into the swing for the tri training.
Looks like the h got the paperwork all ready for the d. Not sure where he's at exactly in the process and if I'll be served any time soon.... But it looks like it's movin forward.
Hmmm.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Thank you for the compliments and no, reading threads is not stalkish. I read many myself and found it very helpful.
I also had times when I would need to take a break from the boards. Sometimes the reality of the situation needs to be put on a shelf.
I agree with other posters. If you don't think D is the answer, let H know it, but continue on. I'm sorry to hear the latest. Hang in there and stay true to yourself.
M
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Ok. Now that I've settled a bit, I'm going to post some more.
This morning I was going to make a post about how I was "sensing" this next phase coming. I just knew it. Intuition is a powerful thing sometimes and lo and behold.... The conversation happened today.
I don't want to be divorced. At the same time, I truly have no desire to be married to this guy. I don't trust him. I don't respect him. I don't think he's honorable. I'm scared of the d because I'm so fearful of it getting ugly if I don't do what he suggests. I've gotten a hel1 of a lot stronger the last year... But I just don't want to fight with him. He still thinks everything is a wash and I essentially should just exit the m saying " thanks for the memories."
Our wedding anniversary is Sunday- should be 6 years. I can't believe it was 2 full years ago on our 4th anniversary that he looked at me and said, "if we're not pregnant in two months, there's no point in being married." I'll never ever ever forget the pain from hearing those words. I never felt so unloved in my entire life.
Any way, back to current state- I had coffee with a friend last weekend and we both were pleased with the progress I have made. She asked me, "so can you now look back and be happy that this happened? Are you there yet?" Without hesitation, I said, no. I know I have a ton more work to do and a lot to learn. I'm not there yet and i know it's still a ways off. She also asked if I would ever take h back and I honesty couldn't answer that.
Life is great. It really is. I'm active in the community, have really enhanced my relationships, stepped out of my comfort zone and been trying really hard to be an awesome human. It just bugs me that h still affects me emotionally. I don't know why I still give him that power.
I don't know. I'm just venting right now. Thinking sad thoughts about difficult things. Ugh.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
I haven't said it lately, but I used to tell h that d wasn't the answer. I haven't said it in a while because I was/am fearful that he thinks I'm still holding on in an attached kind of way and Not in a detached logical yet loving way. (If that makes sense). I've been pretty silent about my feelings for a long long while.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Hi Esame, Hope you're enjoying your time with the kids!
Well, today is our wedding anniversary. I am so proud of myself because it didn't even cross my mind until I got the "see your memories" update from Facebook.
Ran a 5k this morning. The ankle held up well... I had it wrapped up good. I don't want to risk another injury.
After learning that he's going forward with the d, I found myself thinking of all the things I haven't said to him... In a nasty way. I know the whole DB philosophy, but I kind of want to rip him a little. I won't. I'm better than that..... There's just things I will never get to say... And even if I did.... He wouldn't hear it, acknowledge it, or approach things differently.
Well, theres that humility test again!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
You still can say those things without verbally doing it. You could write them down then burn the letter. I have done it a couple of times and I felt better after doing it!
I'm sorry to hear that it was your anniversary today. My 10th wedding is next month but I have decided to spend it away with my kids. I admire you for running despite your ankle, although this shows how strong you are as a woman.
