Keeps getting worse, 180 not working

[Surfer]

Oh Buxom. You are having such a hard time of it. I do understand how you are feeling. It is so confusing at times isn't it. I guess there is a tendency to overthink, thinking about what if...etc. You also deep down want to do whatever needs doing to mend things. But you can't and sadly neither can I. I just have to accept that, but some days it is harder than others isn't it?

Perhaps the "locking him out" etc point and feelings towards the OW (whilst totally understandable and normal) might get in the way to some degree. I had exactly the same feelings towards my WW's OM. However those feelings are Going slowly and I am really trying to forgive, to protect me, and therefore ultimately the kids. I guess anger, resentment, etc are all feelings that come from that grief cycle that we keep going round. I have learned to accept my feelings more than I used to. To not fear them as such if I can. I find it is hard to do if you are feeling run down, tired etc of course and given the kids, chemo etc you will probably not be sleeping well etc. Particularly when you are worried what the WH is up to - try not to, you can't control his actions. We all keep getting told this but we forget as emotions kick in and anxiety starts tapping us on the shoulder. I was just thinking that I don't want to have emotions any more, but of course I do as I wouldn't be able to love my D8 or S6 or my wife and family without them.

I think a good nights sleep will help if you can get one. Don't know, I'd often have a drink to help me sleep but that started getting out of hand so need to be carefull there but just had some saffron tea which I read is good - particularly with milk. The fresh air picking berries will hep you to sleep also.

Don't forget that the behaviour of others, as described on forums etc, is unique. Whilst there are often similarities each situations is different, so try not to worry about what could happen - because it may not. It can result in negative self talk also - which can tend to influence your actions.....and might lead to the things you are trying to run from. Positive thoughts only tonight.

I do struggle with s strategies. I think you have to be aware of them but not apply them too rigidly at times though. I was all 'go dark' but then realised that I was not communicating at all with the WW that just won't work. So I now talk to her about the kids and just try to keep it light and happy - at times I am, at times I'm not. Here and there she has talked to me about her feelings or has cried. Again feelings. So I think I am doing a few things right. I also struggle with what is cake eating etc - I.e what behaviour should I consider unacceptable etc. I am trying not to worry about that though and also not second guess. Who knows, perhaps the concert is exactly that - so many times I have done the negative self talking thing and been wrong.

You are Buxom, you are in control of how you feel and you can try to detach. You are a good person and you are the one in the relationship that is doing all the good work and trying your best to keep the family together. For that I applaud you!!! I hope you have a good nights rest tonight and then feel more relaxed and in check as a result.

If you still feel shabby tomorrow - could try some vigorous exercise. It worked wonders for me earlier today!

You will be in my prayers tonight!