Kyle, I took a break from the forums for a bit, but remember when you first came along. You seem to be doing much better and have your eyes set on the right path. I'm happy you've been able to take the much needed strides to get yourself on higher ground. It's hard to see, or understand what people on here are saying when you're in the panic mode, but looking back, it seems like a "duh, why didn't I see this sooner?" haha. Keep up the good work, bro... take care of you and the rest will take care of itself.
As for the anniversary... to each their own, I suppose. but my W filed 2 weeks and a day prior to our 2 year anniv. I struggled with the ideas of card, letter, nothing, dinner, etc... and eventually, with the help of some folks on these forums, was delighted (i'm not sure that's the word I'm looking for, but...) saw that the anniv was no longer a day that was for celebration between us. that day meant something, and will always mean something, but i realized that with her filing, and with her plans to go through with leaving the M, there was nothing at all that made sense about "giving" her anything on a day that should've been a reminder of how much I appreciate sharing our lives together... she gave that up... she got nothing. I got about a thousand texts on why I was being such a d1ck, I kept my cool. good luck.
Anniversary is 2 days away but I'm in a good place, got my interview to focus on which I'm starting to get nervy about.
Been having a great time reconnecting with people and my driving lessons are in full swing, would give me a wide berth if you ever saw me out in the road though!
Not sure how people on here would feel about it but I have a date on Wednesday, nothing too serious just going to see a local carnival and then watch some fireworks. I wasn't sure at first but I can't see the harm in it.
How is it fair to the new girl if you are still interested in being married to your W? Are you just "biding time"? Or are you actually interested in starting a new R?
Honestly I can't see a scenario where me and my W end up back together. All my trust is gone and she's continued to do things which has completely changed my opinion of her.
For the record the person I'm meeting on Wednesday knows all that is going on in my life. I was with her Friday night and we spoke at length about my sich.
It has been 2 months since you came to this community looking for advice and ideas. 2 months. In that time you have shared a desperation to save your M and family unit. Just like that you are ready to move on? What do you want out of going on a date with someone that as you say " for the record knows your sitch"? Kyle, I have stayed quiet for a bit, because I watch you ask for advice and then do much the opposite of what is shared from many experienced DBers, but this is advice you must heed. IMHO darknes is telling you do not do this in a very calm manner by tapping you with the 2x4. No disrespect to darknes as he has shared top notch advice and support in this community, but he is being much to gentle in his suggestions to you.
I have to say this with a bit more force and a slegehammer to try and wake you up. Stay away from that poor lady. You are in no position to offer her anything in your current state, and all you would be doing is taking from her emotionally. And the fact that she supposedly knows your sitch but may be interested in you would show some lack of potential emotional maturity of expectations on her part. Is that really how you want to start a new relationship. There are some good reasons that rebound relationships and second marriages fall part more frequently than the first marriages. Think about . Read DR and is illustrates the error of not getting yourself in order before moving on. You still have a lot of work to do for yourself and would do well to put in some time and reading for this. I know a majority would agree with this advice and I hope the 2x4's will show up here for you and that you heed the advice.
You are a grown man and will do what you decide, but I do hope you begin to listen up to the folks you are seeking advice from. Good luck brother! I will step back and remain silent unless you ask for my thoughts. Be well. I hope you can find peace, balance and some love for yourself.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
My two cents... I consider myself very well detached, and not expecting to get back into R with my W at all (I have to assume, she will not make the changes that will be required for me to re-commit)... With that said, I've turned down several "good opportunities" (not sure if that's the right verbiage or not), but I've declined several "meet new girls" and "dates" simply due to the fact that I don't want to complicate my own life and my personal progression right now. I'm not "in need" of seeking a female companion at the moment, so why bother with complications of possibly hurting my own growth, or hurting the OW when I've decided I'm not ready for another R, or I change opinion on my W...
You've done the right thing in being fully open to OW about your situation, and I'm sure she's aware that things 'could' go bad if you all date a bit... but OW will not be able to control her feelings for you if they surface. She will act on those feelings and you'll be stuck in an entirely new sitch that involves yet another emotionally motivated woman... I'm not saying don't do it. I'm not saying do it. I'm just offering my opinion on the possible complications related to dating...
I can't really answer how I would feel if my W done a 180 and wanted to fix everything, the sad fact is that right now I'm happier then I've been in years.
I understand what everyone is saying with regards to OW and do agree with the points made. I am going to meet her on Wednesday because she is an old friend I've not seen in many years, it will be nice to catch up. I'm not looking for a R or rebound, this isn't in my nature and I will make this clear with her.
Hello all, feels like a lifetime since I've been on here so I thought I stop by with an update.
I suppose the biggest one is the fact that for me there is no going back with my W, things have happened that I just could not get passed. It has come to light that she has been a very active user of Tinder for a while now (couple of months) and has been using it for meaningless hook ups with guys.
Despite this things are going very well and I'm in a great place. Driving is going strong, I'm in the final round of an intense selection process for a new job, I am getting the absolute most out of the time I have with my D5 and generally loving and living life.
I know this process hasn't ended up how I or many others would have hoped for but I have learnt so much from it. I can see my failings in our M, I can identify how I changed in to a man I'm not particularly fond of and worst of all how I took my children for granted.
