Yeah, it will be a long time. And if you do decide to do the tough love approach, they will hate you and call you all sort of names. But they do have to get their $hit together and start moving. So, even if they hate you for it, I think it is the only way. What if you got hit by a bus, how would they start living and fending for themselves? If they do not go to school, they start earning money. They have no idea that money does not grow on trees. They have no silly notions that silly things like rent and groceries have to be paid. Telephone bill just does not takes care of itself, neither does electric bill, gas, heating and/or insurance.
So I would start by announcing to the older children that since they do not work or go to school, they will have to start paying rent (let's say 100$ a month), also their phone bills and their shopping are their problems. They have a car? Lovely, insurance, gas and repairs are on them to take care of. They will be furious, but in the end they will thank you. The poor baby can't get work? Tough $hit, is he expecting to be Google CEO? I am sure Wallmarts needs bag boys, I am sure there is a McDonalds in your neck of the woods, flipping burgers for a couple of months will give him a whole new take on the world.
So what if they refuse to pay rent? Not a problem, they can move out on their own and start living. You are doing your kids no favors by shielding them from the world. The kids need to respect you first and love you later. There can be no love without respect first. Right now you are just a walking wallet and a punching bag. If they see your W not having any respect for you, they think they can do the same.
I would not do any dramatic talks with them, just a simple announciation would do. No explanations, no dramas, no crying, no begging, no pleading. I would say that you love them to death, but this is what needs to happen and start making it happen. I've had at least a part time job since I was 14 and it has taught me some important lessons.
And if you are honest to yourself, you are suffering like a dog with all the disrespect being dished out on daily basis. As if your W's actions are not bad enough. So you got to grow a new set of balls just for you. If you do not think you are worthy of respect and love, no one else will think either. Please do not think I am making fun of you or taunting you. I too am growing a new pair, big brass ones.
