I can relate to a bit of what you're saying. It was different for me, but I know I felt a overwhelming desire for physical closeness in my M, and it would be very difficult for me when I felt neglected. It would get to the point where it would be hard for me to be close again when the opportunity allowed because it didn't seem fair, like somehow I could be shoved in the corner to suffer for eternity, then when it's convenient for her we could get together. It didn't feel very good.
I've thought a lot about abandonment. One theory is that we act our worst to 'test the rope', and prove to ourselves that our partner would never leave. If we act our worse and they stay then we feel safer than if we try to be on our best behavior. Another theory is that we've abandoned ourselves somewhat, and that no one can ever make up for the fact that we feel inadequate, so we try to show our inadequacies and have them validated by a third party since we deep down don't approve. But those are tired old theories that I've beat to death and don't always have practical use.
One thought I have is whether you could go to counseling with him. Would he be open to it? I always wondered why people wait until everything is horrible. I've always thought it would be kind of romantic to have professional guidance on how to work better as a couple, to do so in a setting where both people want to make the relationship better, instead of when one is checked out or both feel the other person needs to change.
How is he handling all of this?
Finally, next post can you share some of the good stuff you do for him, and the things about you he loves, and the good things in your R? You talk as if you make a mountain out of a molehill at times and threaten to wreck a good R by letting small things derail you, and that you expand those feelings by giving them so much attention. But then you post only about the negative part of you and your R, when it sounds like it is really going positive overall. Maybe if you told us more of the positives the negatives would diminish naturally. Maybe that's wishful thinking, just throwing darts at the board. Plus I'd like to hear some of what's going well for you, so it can't hurt
Hang in JB, and thanks for being around always.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
