ugh. Reading this is like a rock in my stomache. His thing is predominantly emotionally and verbally abusive except for the one time I mocked him that it escalated to him breaking the door and kicking me out. I've gotten very angry as well. And you're right not to let myself get triggered. I think I need to print out and hang up the 180 list. NVC did not work for him at all!
It's clear he doesn't want to leave me but he's very angry with me. I think I'm a mirror for his own behavior which is projected on me combined with any bad behavior of my own.
I'm going to practice leaving the room any time I feel reactive.
I always tell everyone what's going on which is sort of bad because I need to stick to a few select people. Although I do wallow in the victim role quite often I can clearly see that he is an abuser with or without my own codependant behavior. I'm lucky to be in a 12 step program (he is too). and to have this online forum. There's a lot of overlap in the tenets of the program and the 180 - the detach with love mantra. Keep the focus on myself etc.
