Don't go trough the old messages, it really does you no good, in fact it only puts you in a bad mood.
As you have discovered by now, your W became something (someone) totally unfamiliar to you. You can quit trying to figure it out how it came to be, you will not succeed deducting it. So just accept it, she's an alien imposter for all intents and purposes. You DO HAVE to do anything and everything to protect yourself in all areas, financially, legally and emotionally.
I have a feeling that your kids will not listen to your words, so teach them with actions. The basic problem is complete lack of respect to you as father. Perhaps it is time for tough love. I do not recall if your kids work or in any way contribute to the household. I'd cut them off. And I would seek a second legal opinion, it really sounds to me you got screwed in the court, do you feel you have had adequate representation?
