Deadline for Decision 8/15

[Zues126]

All awesome insights. I'm glad you're getting support in real life from these groups and your family.

I would really recommend no more R talks. You are 1000% better off showing with behavior versus telling with words. 1000% better.

When you tell him with words it seems contradictory. You are saying the words "I don't need a reaction from you", but if you don't, then why are you telling him these words? If you didn't want a reaction from him you wouldn't tell him. Why not just avoid reacting to his behavior, then little by little he'll see the changes...or he won't, or he won't care, or whatever. Again, not your issue.

When you tell WAS your goals and game plans it will look bad when you stumble (you said you weren't going to react...) and even when you do things better they will think it's manipulative (you're just acting this way to get me to...).

Real change has to be for you. Even if WAS doesn't notice, care, turn back, or do his part, these have to be things you're doing for you.

Now, if you're just lonely for support and conversation then you need to do more GAL. Post here more often. Talk with friends from your group that want to listen. But WAS can't be your confidant right now. He has his own journey to make without you, and talking about your journey or how you view things, or what you're working on, it will drive him further away. His behavior is saying he needs space, if you crowd him he'll need to retreat. WAS should be initiating 90%+ of all R conversation, maybe even 100%. And when he does your role should be to be silent and validate.

My DB coach said "This isn't the model for a future potential M, that you bury your needs and silence your voice...but you don't have an M right now and this isn't the time and place."

Detach. 180. GAL. And follow those rules. You are on the right road, time to walk it on your own. Not easy with him around. But it can be done. Keep posting!