OK I've skimmed through the book and probably need to start over since I've lost my place.

I've started decluttering with the mantra- only the best for me and trusting that I don't need to hold onto something until I get a replacement but that after I get rid of old stuff I'll have more room for the new replacements.

I've been going out with friends - as always.

I've been inquiring about taking an improv class.

I go to alanon.
I'm trying to call our children but not him while they're on the trip.
I had a weird epiphany of positivity. All jealousy fell away (for a few hours) and I decided that I would try to pretend even if I didn't feel it. I told him I didn't care what gals he was hanging out with. I believed him that he wasn't doing anything and that he hid it from me because he was afraid of how jealous and pissed I would get. OK I did talk about the relationship a bit. I told him I was getting hung up on his presentation (obnoxious presentation) but the real facts were what mattered more. And that I didn't need him to be there with me in the same frame of mind - we could take turns and that I'm in a bubble of positivity but he didn't need to be. He said it sounded good and we should try to make it work a bit. We decided to get the house. I think I got too optimistic because he's not calling me except to set me up to talk to the girls or if he needs me to do something. I also told him that I needed to stop wanting his reaction to be a certain way - I needed to care about my own reaction to his - and not have one. Own my own decision and not hold on to resentments.

I'm trying to get started on an art project.

I am doing the thing he asked me to do which is going to measure the house that we're in contract on. It seems its good to buy a fixer upper because we could easily break it into two places and one rent would help pay the mortgage on the other.

I made sure to get a hair cut, color my hair. I got a house keeper for three hours for each weekend that they're gone for super cheap. $12/hr - so $36 and she spruces up the whole place. I got a massage. I got the car washed. Going to work. Watch more tv and went on the internet more than I would have liked... I'm weaning myself off of asking my daughters questions that might accidentally reveal what he's doing. I'm trying to ask things that couldn't possibly reveal stuff so there's no way he'd think I was checking on him. ... I am beginning to hide my posts so he doesn't see them on facebook so he can't keep an eye on me. ... ok I'm fading . more soon.