wife of 14 years walks out on her family

[Raul]

I made the mistakes again: calling her, sending her flowers, letters.

Learn from your mistakes. I've read that repeating the same actions and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I have been guilty of it, and observed a lot of people doing it.......so maybe we all are a little crazy, especially when it comes to relationships. I do want to encourage you to remember what worked and what didn't work in the past.

When you and your W went back together after the first affair, was there any counseling about the affair and how to deal with it? Have you asked her family if there was any history of issues in her childhood?

Did you just take her word that you were never really divorced and were still married, or did you check it out and see if the D papers had been filed?

I had the perfect marriage. A loving wife, two beautiful children, our own house, in laws that love me...happy life.

Your W cared nothing about spending quality time and attention with her own children, or doing anything with her new house. It sounds as if she stayed awayed from the house as long as she could, before finally going home. You did all the work at home, raised the kids, and held down a full time job. My first thoughts were that you were badly deceived, or you could be seeing life with distorted vision. My second thoughts were there that your W could have a serious problem.

You say you and W had the perfect M and went for seven years without having an argument. Never an argument? How did you accomplish that? Happy wife --- happy life? How did you keep her happy during that time?

What are the ages of you and W?

Sandi, yes she did not filed the divorce papers. She still had them with her when I got back with her. She stated that was the reason why her affair ended. Because he gave her two weeks to file and she hates it when people tell her what to do. But in all honesty, I don't believe her. She has told me three version on how her affair ended. I don't her affair ended. Because a few years later she told me he called her to see how she has been. I told her it was a bad idea and she reassured me it will never happen again. I know...I am very naive.

After the affair ended in 2005, I suggested counseling. She refused. I found out that she had been sexually abused as a child. I should have been more persistent now that I look back.

Arguments... well of course we had disagreements. But not where screaming or yelling was ever involved. She would give me the silent treatment for a few days until I would give her flowers and make up.

Sandi, you have great perception. I did not realize until you pointed out that my wife stayed away from home. Now that I think about it, it may be the reason why our walls had no family pictures for almost 4 years. Every time I wanted to hang a family picture, she would say that she has plans to add stuff to the walls. Now that she's gone, me and my daughters put up pictures of us all over the house. My daughters did put up a few pictures of her with mommy. Her family would constantly get on her about her work hours. She would miss a lot of the family functions, only me and my daughters would show up. But now that i look back, she could have possibly be having her affairs during that time.

I did notice that she wanted a baby in November after her sister had one. We talked about it for a few months. Then in April, I told her that we should. By then, she said she changed her mind.

My wife 39 and I'm 42.