The real gem in our situation is that we are working on us, to make us a better, to be who we truly are. I have met so many people who aren't taking ownership of their participation in the break up of their marriage, and I'm sure that they'll reproduce the same in their next relationship or they will go for the same person.
Even though BD is hard because we have to accept our responsibility and learn from it, as it is a journey that we would have never started if it had not been forced on us. JJB I'm 16 months post BD and only now I'm realising my share in the end of my marriage. I saw who I had become and now I'm making the changes for myself. I was expecting H to make me happy and deal with my issues, whereas now I understand all along I buried my head in the sand, and was expecting it to go away. God has given me a change to work on me and to become who I'm supposed to be. It is probably to the expense of my marriage but I believe I had to be smacked really hard to realise it.
Some people ( us here) will be better equipped in our next relationship whereas our H will not have grown like we did because they see nothing wrong with them.
JJB we will come out of this tunnel a better person and the right person will come along. My H has been brought by his mum and 3 sisters and had everything done for him, whereas like you I was brought up to be independent. It's a different bringing up and I didn't truly understand what compromises were/ are. I know for sure that I won't repeat it in my next relationship.
