If we can only choose to move on in the absence of the answers to these questions - the pain slowly begins to diminish day by day.
I think this is very critical in being able to forgive, not just other people, but able to forgive ourselves. We all know we're not perfect, and we make mistakes. Being human, we don't necessarily have the ability to know why we've done what we've done, we just have to understand that we have the power to not let our present, and future, versions of ourselves to be held captive to our past mistakes.
Originally Posted By: qt4x11
What else do I need to convince myself this is really happening?
It took me a long time too. Even after the D was filed, I still would not let myself believe that this was really happening to us. This is all part of the LBS fog, I believe, and goes hand-in-hand with the validation of what our WAS wants, is okay for them to believe is right for them. We carry on, bettering ourselves, with the thought always in the back of our minds that we are doing this so we can get back with our W's and provide a new foundation for a better, loving, lasting marriage. I remember a conversation I had with my W and it came up that "I need to just accept that this D is real and happening" and she responded, "I filed weeks ago, it's been real ever since, it's not my fault you aren't taking me seriously"... I think it was right around then, maybe exactly then, when I was able to take things to the next level.
Originally Posted By: qt4x11
I’ve decided that it would be healthier for me to let go of any expectations of what will happen in the future, and to deal ‘with life on life’s terms’. This tiny hope that I have inside me, I have to snuff it out right now because it is not helping me on any level.
This is the target you should be aiming at. It's harder and harder to focus on the right things as the process of the D inches closer and closer to finality. But if we dwell on this thought particularly, then there is no way in h3ll this will work out in a positive way for us. We've talked a lot on here, you're a good guy (from what I know), and you're doing everything you can to take the right steps to make yourself an even better guy... Keep at that, and once this is all over, you'll be the one better off than "the one that got away"
