wife of 14 years walks out on her family

[Raul]

My wife informed me on May 17 that she does not love me and wants a divorce. She said she is leaving me. We have been married for 14 years and have 2 beautiful children. I noticed that the last few months she has been receiving calls and text at all odd hours. As a good husband I was, I never checked her phone. But after this announcement, I did. I found out she had many texts back and forth and phone calls with her ex lover of 2005.

In 2005, after 3 years of marriage, no children at the time. She left me for another man. I tried so hard to save my marriage. Eventually we would go out and get back together. But nothing stopped her affair. She left me- came home to an empty apartment. I continue to try to get back. I broke all the rules that I discovered here: called her all the time, send her flowers, letters. After 2 months of trying, I gave up. She gave me the divorce papers. She told me he is the love of his life. She loves him so much. She wants to marry him. I signed the divorce papers. I then joined the Army Reserves. I did not tell her anything. I just disappeared for 9 months for training. When I came back, I was in great shape, happy, motivated and started dating. I figured I was divorce by now, so I was telling everyone I was divorced. She ended up calling me two months later. She said she made a mistake and loves me. She said she ended her affair and wants me to move in with her. I met with her to talk. I know now I should not have done this. After seeing her again, I knew I was still madly in love with her, but I did not want to show it. My wife then informed me that she never turned in the divorce papers so we are still married. After weeks of her trying to get me back, I gave in. I moved in with her. In span of 7 years with had two beautiful daughters.We were the perfect couple. Never argued, showed loving gestures towards each other. The only issue we ever had is that she works long hours. My hours are regular hours 8-5pm. So I was more involved with our girls. I would take them to school, pick them up and make dinner. By the time my wife got home, usually the kids were asleep, showered and fed. Happy life, happy wife.

Now back to 2016. We left the apartment and bought our first house in 2012. We were so excited and happy. The girls had their own room. We had a big yard. We did many functions and had so many wonderful memories. My grandmother, before she passed away in 2013 told me that she was so happy for me. She was proud that I have a beautiful life. You see, my grandmother is old fashioned. She was proud that I got married in a Catholic church. For religious Latinos, getting married in church is the ultimate signs of love and respect. She made me promise to fight for marriage, to be loving, be faithful and always put family first. Which I have always. My wife is also from a religious Latino background. They love me like a son. Her mother and sisters are beautiful souls and always show love and kindness for me. I had the perfect marriage. A loving wife, two beautiful children, our own house, in laws that love me...happy life.

May 17...D Day. My world came crumbling down.She started packing her things. She tells me that she never loved me. And that she wants to be with the love of her life. She left me and my daughters. Her family found out, they tried to talk to her. But my wife instead ignored them and told them that they will not convince her. She is now claiming that her mother caused her to come back to me in 2005. That her mother told her if she did not work out her marriage, she will disown her. But I assure you, I spoke with her mother and told me none of that is true. In fact, she told her daughter to leave me alone if she was not serious about her marriage. Wife moves out with a friend. She starts going out and starts dating. I was confused because I thought she left me for "the love of her life." But I guess she started seeing other men as well. So what I have been told. I tried to fight for my marriage again, like in 2005. I made the mistakes again: calling her, sending her flowers, letters.

The Wayward Wife
This time around, it is much different than 2005. She ignores me and when she does talk to me, she screams at me. She has so much anger. She blames me. She fits all the characteristics of the Wayward Wife (Sandi's list). She said it is all my fault her family is mad at her. Yes, I exposed her affair to them. She said I made her life miserable. Screams that she wants me out of her life for good. She now has her own apartment. She gets our daughters only 2 days out of the week, her choice. My 9 year old has told me that her mother is always talking to a man on the phone, telling each other I love you. What I don't understand is that in 2005, my wife told me she is leaving me for another man that she loves. This time, she told me that she is not in love with me but has not man in her life. Her story changes. She then says she in love with the love of her life. And then tells me that there is no other man and that I am making it up. My wife finally admitted to cheating and lying to me. Something she has been denying.

Can my marriage be saved?
It has now been 2 months now. I have read the Divorce Remedy, but I continue to pursue my wife. I broke too many rules. I pushed her away too far. In the last 2 months, I have send her many flowers, texts, letters, and gifts. I spoke with her yesterday (she called me), she still screams at me. Told me that she does not love me, to move on because she has. To be prepared because she will be giving the divorce papers in a few weeks. At first I was telling her to try to work our marriage out. But then I remember reading Sandi's do's and don'ts and about the Wayward Wife. I decided to tell her that I gave up. That I no longer want to work out our marriage if she doesn't and I will move on. But she mocked me and told me that my words don't mean nothing, she wants action. She also suggested that we might be friends, I told her (based on Sandi's info) that I only have interested in being her husband and not her friend. She said then we can't be friends then. I have decided that my daughters should be my most priority. I believed that if I fought for their mother I would be able to bring our family back together. My 9 year wants me to keep trying. I had a talk with her a few days ago that I can't no more. I will try therapy again. Read more books to build my self-esteem. And spend as much family time with my daughters. I'm happy with my two daughters. I have been taking them out to the movies, the beach, bookstores, park and restaurants. My wife told me yesterday that the only reason I have my daughters is because she knows I need them more than she does. Those were her exact words. I was disgusted with what she said. But I kept my mouth shut. I wanted to tell her, you sure isn't because you want to live single.

Is there hope? I still love my wife.

Raul