Just working the process, but wondering when......

[cbtdad]

Ginger I can not thank you enough for sharing your insight with me. It's taking some time, but these are the types of things you are sharing that my W is starting to open up about in MC.
She told me how I would criticize her for getting the wrong toilet paper. She said, "who does that"
She that she would get anxiety when she heard me pull up to the house or when my name popped up on her phone. Because she was thinking, "great what did I do wrong now?"
I remember a few months back I started realizing that I had control and trust issues that I couldn't explain. More than just not being trusting from our first separation a few years ago.
I started doing research. I came across a book called "The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans
When I saw the title I figured it would give me a point of view from my W's side of things. WOW!!! It knocked me upside the head and completely opened my eyes. It talked about doing things subconsciously and not even realizing what you were doing. That you create a "dream woman". How you define them at every turn. That was me. But you know what. It talked about how a man can change. How he can rewire his brain. I know it's gonna take time. But realizing that this a marathon and not a sprint helps me keep going everyday. The patience I am having to have is not getting what I want out of the marriage right now. Which is PT!!
You hit on that exactly. I do know its gonna take time for her to trust me emotionally therefore take time to build up intimacy, but it still gets frustrating.
Like I told Accuray. The reason I have faith for the future is I've seen what it can be when things are going well. She does enjoy it and ask for it when times are good.
I just need to stay the path and continue to work on me and what I want myself to be for the future.
More than anything else, I do not want what I learned to be passed on to my S
That is my number one goal
Thanks again Ginger. Any other advice you have from your experience would be greatly appreciated