The lie continues...

[CT1118]

On a different note, I was reading Tofbrks story and Sandi2 - you answered something I had been wondering about for a while and did not want to ask it at risk of sounding egotistical, which I am not.

You told Tofbrks: "I think the WW usually affairs "down".

This was something I could not reconcile in my head. When I discovered the affair in Feb, it unfortunately took me reading her texts. After the shock of seeing her call him "baby" and sending him photos of sexy panties, I began to read his comments. They were dumb, stuff like talking about eating coco puffs with chocolate milk type of dumb. Also, The guy is 9 years young than her (make him 32), short, a redneck (something she always claimed to dislike) and he is already bald (no offense, but bald at 32 is not something most me want). He is overweight by a good margin. And he owns guns, which is something my wife has always been vehemently against. When my WW spoke of him she called him "entertainment" "a dumb kid" "someone I am using" "he means nothing". As she works with him (he is a subordinate employee by rank, not under her supervision)I have heard her say "he has no ambition" "he lacks the wherewithal to do his job" and "he has no capacity for planning".

That said I am tall, dark toned skin, in great physical shape, a full head of hair have 11 professional certifications, finishing a master's degree, was just inducted into an honor society for academic excellence, hold a director level position (WW does too), and have won multiple awards/bonuses enough times to call it regularl. I truly am not saying to in the interest of conceit, but rather to better understand, I can scarcely go places w/out someone commenting on my looks. My WW is the same way - all of the above - amazing looking, highly professional, well dressed at all times, has so many awards on her office wall you can't see the paint. My WW and I used to go to Miami regularly and people would literally stop us in the street or shout at us from cars about how great we looked together.

This can read like a very vain post, but that is not what I intended. I think when a lot of people separate it is common to wonder if AP looks better than they do -"what do they have that I don't" I understood a while back that this guy gave my WW the emotional support and recognition that I was not, but...

Anyway, your post Sandi2 made me think, if the WW usually afairs down, this seems like a control measure. Meaning the WW is better able to control both the AP (who realizes they struck gold and will ego stroke her as much as possible) and the LBS who is emotionally destroyed. At least it seems to me it does in my case. Before I knew about the A, my WW would often complain she did not feel like she was in control of her life. She would say that she liked to stay at work because she felt in control there. When I realized after A discovery how in control she was of AP (telling him when/where they could meet, text, etc.) it did not rationalize it, but made a small bit sense. And yes, I know it is not always about looks, it is about communication which I clearly sucked at with my WW before the S. This is not a source single attraction, just a piece of the story. I would love to hear thoughts on this.