With time, it gets more complicated

[Melo]

I suppose I don't. I feel like I have to justify myself for some odd reason. Like I'm doing something wrong.

[SH_]

Melo, remember, she has fired you as her H.
Do you provide financial support to friends or other family members?

Keep that in mind and that may help.
Re read the homework on detachment. Working on that can help you not fall into the trap of trying to "fix" things for her.
Not your role as the fired H right?

[SH_]

And I understand the fear of not keeping your word. And believe me my stbxw has hammered me on that.
But I know that what I offered my word on was when I was in the state of mind that I could "fix" things.
I know I can't.

I have a friend that is still paying 15 years later because he was the nice guy.
Get some legal advice and look at it from a legal and fair point of view for both of you. Trust me, that is what woke me up.
She left you, why does she get the benefits of you as a H, when she does not want you as a H?

Makes no sense, right?

[bigybiz]

Melo: I don't mean to pile on her but there is some sound advice from our crew here. The idea of a set amount makes the most sense. It will be consistent and true/reliable to the agreement you make. Any "extra" cash you can decide on how to spend on your family. Further, I know you are trying to rebuild your career and financial status and sometimes that means we need to take a pay cut before the next step or go a couple of weeks with no pay. So a small cushion is a good idea so if you do fall short, you won't miss a payment.

[Buxom]

Melody, how'd I it go? Been a while since your post.

[Melo]

Thanks for the 2x4's guys! I definitely am too much of a nice guy. I haven't been around much cause I was too busy GAL. I went to the Guns N Roses concert last week and it was awesome! I took the bus and the W texted to see if I had left and I told her I had. She then texted me so that I could tell her when I arrived, which I did as well. A couple of days later I called to speak to my S. W said: Hey lost guy, to which I said hey how are you, can I talk to S? W says yes, how was the trip? I said the trip was awesome, she asks about my cousin, I said he's doin good, let me talk to S. And W puts S on, I talk to S and then I hang up. W texts if I'm done, I said yeah and she 6 said ok. That was two days ago and she hasn't texted since. It is super hardhard to not text her! What I will do is I will treat her like a neighbor. Our S4's birth day is in August and I am not planning on going to her party so that she doesn't get any ideas about us being a family. Don't know if I am doing it right

[CT1118]

I'm not one to give advice on doing the DB or 180 thing right, but keep up your GAL. In my experience that is the only thing you be sure you doing right, as long as you are doing anything positve for your mind, body, and soul. If you dress like crap in old clothes, get some new ones, and work out...that seemed to have the most effect on my WW, but the effect on me was way way more satisfying.

[sandi2]

Our S4's birth day is in August and I am not planning on going to her party so that she doesn't get any ideas about us being a family. Don't know if I am doing it right

Hard stuff! How will you explain to a 4 yr old why daddy won't be at his BD party? Can you give him a separate party that would include your side of the family, neighborhood kids, etc?

[Sotto]

Yes I agree about looking after yourself and clothes, as well as working on the internal stuff. There's no harm in looking a bit sharp when you see her - ie: not in tracksuit bottoms and an old t-shirt & trainers - but in a shirt and nice fitting jeans or trousers. Haircut, dash of cologne.Ie: looking like a guy who has some place to go. And better still if you actually do have plans!!

Apart from what your W may think, you start to feel better about yourself and you may get compliments too. As a case in point, I work with an LBS guy who lost a pile of weight when he and his W broke up. For ages, he was wearing a baggy shirt and loose trousers pulled in with a belt. Recently, he invested in a new work wardrobe with slim fit shirts and trousers in the right size. Wow - he looks great and I thought - I had no idea he had such a great physique.....it wouldn't do any WAS no harm to think the same. xx

[SH_]

Our S4's birth day is in August and I am not planning on going to her party so that she doesn't get any ideas about us being a family. Don't know if I am doing it right

Hard stuff! How will you explain to a 4 yr old why daddy won't be at his BD party? Can you give him a separate party that would include your side of the family, neighborhood kids, etc?

I second sandi2's idea.