Another question. When she picks up/drops off she often has something to say 'you need to, you should, you must' type things. Not nagging so much, more being 'bossy'. She is very keen on this. I detests it with a passion. I don't want to come across as rude in front of the kids - she always does this in front of them. What is the best way to handle this - I normally just look through her and validate in an 'I'm not listening and you know it way'. I don't think it really helps tbh - it's frustrates her. But I am not going to act like a doormat husband either.
The first thing you do is to pull her aside from the kids. Explain that you would appreciate it if she would not speak to you as if she is giving orders. If she says fine, then go on. The next time it happens, (and there will be a next time), separate her from the kids and tell her that you are not her child, employee, or trainee .......therefore, she has no authority to tell you what to do and not do. Tell her you will not tolerate being disrespected in front of your children.
You need not raise your voice or say it in a threatening manner. I do believe you need to say it firmly, or seriously. Don't come across as some whimp who is pleading with her to play fair. You aren't asking her. You are making a statement.
Now, you need to know what the consequences will be of she doesn't honor your boundary.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
