My turn... Part 3

[Cole_]

I really wish my wife would read some of the books and interviews of Shirley Glass and Gotman. So many things they talk about apply to our relationship and sadly, they were things I warned my wife about. Maintaining a child centered marriage. Not making time to be alone together to focus on us and our relationship. Hell, as Shirley Glass stated in an interview:

the popular notion is that the person who has the affair wasn't getting enough at home. The reality is that they weren't giving enough at home.

My wife think she was the one who was ignored and unappreciated. She may have felt that I wasn't doing enough to help care for our kids or do housework, but the truth is that while I am far from perfect and I'm sure there were ways I could have done more, I did my best and I did more than she realizes or ever acknowledged. I was the one who told her we were on a precarious path and needed to focus on us and our marriage. I was the one who told her I was lonely, wanted to spend time with her, wanted to schedule time to discuss and coordinate household decisions and tasks so that we could be a team.

Looking back, I can see all those things. I wish she could. She's an amazing woman and I only wish life had taught her how to be in a long term relationship prior to marrying me. We really had something special and could have had an amazing life together. We still could, but I've done and continue to do all I can. At this point, because our marriage requires her to do the hard work and requires her to feel empathy, guilt, and remorse, because it requires her to look inward and confront herself as well as each other... I feel like I'm just waiting for divorce papers. I really have no hope anymore and that's the most depressing part because I always thought my wife loved me enough to fight for me and our family. I thought our love and our friendship was meant more to her.

One day at a time. Focusing on me and my kids because that's all I can do and it will benefit me regardless.