About the Cams, if you're putting them up to spy, then don't. If you're putting up for the reasons you say you're putting them up. It's a no brainer. I think you're using the "security" reasons as a buffer on why you really want to put them up, which is to spy on your W. --- On the letter, write it, but don't give it to her (immediately). I've found that writing letters, notes, journaling, etc has been a huge reason why I've been able to take the steps in DBing that I have, so I highly recommend it. Write the letter, but do not give it to your W until you've re-read it at least 3 times, over the course of 3 days (the 72 hour rule)... --- Like LFM said, letters of this sort will most likely come off as pushy, pursuing, manipulative, etc... but the point is to keep things as direct as possible (see doodler approach)... If I were your coach, I'd tell you to write the letter, and then burn it after you've read it a few times. --- My personal sitch, it took me a long time to show any "anger" towards/with my W. for the longest time, I took blame for all of our problems, and I know that ANGER is really just another way to express hurt and/or fear... I didn't feel I was "allowed" to feel hurt/angry as I took on a lot of the blame. Once I got over the hump, and realized I'm in this for myself, I was able to see that I am allowed to feel hurt, I am allowed to be angry, so there have been several occasions where I have expressed my hurt to her, and reminded her that she is not the only one suffering through this horrible event in our lives. How she's not the only one feeling 'betrayed' and how her actions have not been what I would've expected in this time either...She was surprised to hear this the first couple times, because I'd been so GAL that she thought I just didn't care and was moving on without her in such a fierce way, I didn't give a rip about her at all... In truth, I do, and I was hurting on the inside, and all the GAL was really just a way to shield myself from having to "feel"... something my IC has been helping me with as well.
