WHs do come back--Piecing--acceptance & time

[BluWave]

I've been feeling at a loss of what to post lately. I think SH hit the nail on the head--we want a quick fix and without doing the hard work. That hard work being looking inside ourselves and letting go of expectations.

So I've been asking myself if I've been successful at that. I think I've gotten better at letting go of expecting things from H, but that's also because I am reaching a higher level of detachment. Perhaps at times I am indifferent. This also makes me sad.

C-nuts threads have helped me think about where I have gone wrong. I too am impatient, react on emotions, and feel this strong need to make a decision and take action in some direction. I think it stems from feeling out of control and asserting control however one can find it.

So again, I've been going back to what it means to have "control." Control is acceptance. Accepting that things are the way they are, that what happened DID happen, and accepting that things will work out as they need to. There is some sadness in that too. I don't know where I will be in several years.

It's easier to hang on to hurt, to anger, and to take action--working on the M or working on leaving. My biggest test of patience is doing nothing at all. I'm trying to be okay with that. My autopilot mode is to grab the wheel and take control. Because when I don't, I am left with my thoughts and feelings. There is still so much sadness.

I can take 2 roads in this M. Both are going to be hard. Just letting myself feel sad today. Even though I have cried a lot on the last several years, I still need to work on accepting the sadness.

-Blu