Newby here, desperate for some advice

[ForGump]

JRuss, I was glad to find your posts because so many things you wrote ring so true for my situation. But as my own thoughts formed in reaction to your stories, I realize that most, if not all, of what I would say to you also apply to me -- and that makes me sad because I don't feel much hope for your situation.

First, though, I have to marvel at how much physical intimacy there was between you two until the last minute. However perfunctory it may have been, it still means, somehow, that her heart was still in the marriage. Compare that to how, now she doesn't really want to touch you.

But it's also amazing how quickly the heart can shut its doors.

Looking at you, I realize my own fate. Analyzing how your wife fell out of love could be helpful to a small extent, but I think it almost doesn't matter how she fell out of love. Now that she's fallen out of love, there's no way to force her to retrace her steps.

The only small hope for us, is the possibility that she might fall in love with you. But that's not recapitulating a past process. She needs to fall in love with you afresh. If you're lucky -- and if you're strong -- you might have a year or two for her to consider falling in love with you. But that time cuts both ways: a caged bird resents the cage.

Let her go. That's what I'm trying to tell myself. But it crushes me.