Well, don't be hard on yourself. It's really difficult to remain detached with a person in depression. The problem is we still have our memory, our logical skills and we still feel. Personally, I find that the more present I am, the longer the MLCer keeps that bullseye between my eyes. It's a nice distraction to blame the person in front of you than to look at the true source of hurt. But, if you're out of the picture and they are still miserable and they realize it? But, this all takes so much time. Picture one tiny grain of sand falling through the hourglass in slowwwww motion.

Ironically, once you are able to detach and you can listen without interrupting or asking questions or reasoning with them, then you are left remembering the crazy stuff they think about you and your m. And that is a very icky feeling, too.

I think that's why we need to focus on ourselves. It's a no-win situation when they are lost in depression.

Keep taking care of you.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced