Everyone shared some sentiments I can certainly understand. And I know we discussed some of this stuff.
You could not have handled this differently. You handled this like a strong loving woman and a mom. It's not that he didn't want to spend time with you. He seems pretty ill-equipped to handle real life. Which is not a reflection on you at all.
My childhood was a bit messed up. long story. My mom was home but I was raised by my dad. The best gift I could have gotten out of my not so ideal childhood was the independence I was taught by my father, and the independence that forced upon me by my mother. While I am sure your MIL had good intentions, her doing everything for him didn't prepare him for the real world. he is escaping himself and his responsibilities, not you!
It also takes 2 to communicate. And I could completely relate to being scared to communicate. Anything I ever did would also be distorted. or I was told "too bad, it is how it is" So I stopped. Nothing got solved, I got resentful, ect.
In the future, when you are ready to date, you will be very keen to red flags and sincerity. And your gut. Your intuition will not fool you. My gut has been right 100% of the time, in the M and in other R's. The key is listening to it. Yes, we take a risk that some divorced guy is feeding us a line of BS, o perceives their last M as they did, even if it wasn't what it actually was. I believe this experience we have all gone through can help us spot those people right away. My last R, my intuition made me aware of the red flags. While he was a great sweet guy and we LOVED spending time together, he had behaviors from his last R that didn't change which needed to for a new R. I saw it.
Loving again is a risky thing to do and it has no guarantees. I promised myself when I was ready for a relationship that I would give myself fully, even with the risk, because when it was the right one, everything would be returned fully. There was no point in dating in a completely guarded manner (guarded and naïve are two different things) if I wanted to reap full benefit of a healthy relationship. Sure, I've been hurt again. But I don't regret anything I've done.
And I read a great article on the torn feeling between being happy you are out of a marriage knowing that was unhealthy and there was cheating, but still missing being married and a family unit. Both can be done at the same time, even if it feels completely conflicting.
