"I'm sorry for everything and I wish very badly it went any other way, or that we actually paid attention and addressed it sooner. But it just got so far from what either of us wanted that we dragged so many people around us into it. On the bright side we are still both amazing people and nobody can take that from us and we definitely put in more effort than anyone our age that I've ever met. I will let you know what's going on with [filing for divorce] when the time comes."
I dont think this requires any response. What do you want to say?
Write it out here and wait 48 hours before you send any communication.(to get some input)
Cadet, I think this is a great opportunity to respond in a validating way and make her position known to H.
J, I am sorry that you're here for horrible reasons, but you're among some really fine folks here who will provide you with tons of support, humor, and some whacks of 2 x 4. We will go easy on you as you are really hurting and finding your way around here.
I would encourage you to read Cadet's homework and visit other threads here for you will learn tons of really useful information.
Since you are not fully up to speed on DBing principles, I would suggest that you post here first before reacting to H's texts and emails for we can provide you with some feedback to ensure your responses are in alignment with DB. A lot of newbies want to explain (and sometimes over explain) their positions/view when actually pushes the WAS further away. We would not want that here, do we?
I would be more then happy to get you started in the right direction by posting here and you can change it to suit your style as I am not you:
Thank you for opening up to me...it cannot be easy for you at all and I appreciate this. I can see that we both made mistakes and probably didn't handle things very well. Sure, there are some things that I would do differently in my approach. Just to make you aware here--I do not want a divorce, but will not stand in your way. I agree that we are amazing people.
Then let it be. Don't try to chase H or engage in a drawn out text exchanges.
Keep coming here and post as often as you can. Be sure to visit other threads just to say "hi" to drive traffic back here.
