Darn straight. don't waste another ounce of energy on trying to fix that which cannot, nay, should not, be fixed. Fix you. You only have one go around.
Thank you ...time spent with my children is so valuable last weekend I took my eldest lad and my youngest to Southend to th Beach and the theam park had a great time
I realise,I have no control over this and it [censored] that I will be seeing my daughter half of the time
I am the one keeping myself in this situation I am scared of change and afraid to be alone
I have to call my W to have conversations,about nothing ....I just miss after 25 years the conversation it is feeling like she is trying to distance herself from me and I hate this and try to keep the connection .
I have to still work in my weight and my self esteem I am not body confident and am very scared I will struggle to find another partner when the time is right
Home early last lesson has cancelled will be taking little,one to the park or the dog for a walk
Speak soon
Hugs my friends
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Sounding strong G Time with the kids is always a great idea and sounds like you had fun
Stop worrying about your weight re another partner , people aren't as shallow as you think and the real you is going to be attractive to the right person. Get fit and healthy for the right reasons and if that makes you feel attractive then great
Even from your latest posts a stronger G is appearing.
Being a dad of four is hard work and all of what is going on has shown me that over the years I have not done enough to be a supportive husband with regard to helping around the house and with the children I am starting to really aprichiate how hard it is
When my wife was feeling such resentment years ago Why did my W not just say to me then right for a week you have to do everything and her not lift a finger to help perhaps that would have shown me just how hard things were for her and I would have been forced to take note sooner and perhaps we would not have got to this point who knows.....
I have a busy days work today I am going to the personal trainer five days a week at the moment tho I am not seeing a massive shift in my shape or my weight so I still must be eating too much
Tomorrow I have a GA L planned a local meet up group drinks then watch a movie so will see how that feels
Last time I tried going out went to a bar and it was heaving I was one own got a drink stood around looking and feeling so lonely and isolated (will not be doing this again on my own) ended up looking at my phone several times as tho I was waiting for someone and then left feeling by low
I feel so alone at times yet I fight with the urge to move into sepeerate houses through the fear of not seeing my children every day I still feel that this right now is where I want to be.
W tells me that she will not change her mind and that she has been rock solid at keeping to this plan since bomb date 1 year ago perhaps if I go out and meet other people eventually I will fall for someone else and that will be the deciding factor to me going to sepeerate houses, tho the though of doing this really scares me
So I still talk a lot about the same I still cry a lot and I move very very slowly forwards but have a very very long way to go
I am still in denial I am not the man that I was thorough fear I struggle to be the alpha male I would struggle to stand up to my W
How do I get her to loose the resentment from years of being unhappy with whatever I have done or not done to make,her feel unhappy how I loaded the dishwasher how I did not empty it or I did not put a load of washing on or if I did I did not move it to the dryer or fold it she is always looking for new things to find faults with I guess this is just how it is
There I go venting again
Sometimes it helps to talk
Hugs
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Fine to vent G. And getting your W to drop the resentment may never happen , that's her choice
Doing things more around the house may have made a difference or may doing them wrong ( in your W eyes) may have made things worse Who knows and it's not worth worrying about now
IMHO , things can't change with W while things remain he same , the more you GAL and start to to enjoy your life maybe , and it's just maybe W will appreciate you for what you did and opposed to what you didn't do
Keep being the best dad you can and build a life for you as if W is gone because worse case your preparing for the future and lest case your becoming the best G you can be
Sigh. It's not about what you did/didn't do in the house - that's old news. Is there any progress here? Not that I can see. Having kids is hard work and being a good Dad is not about housework, but being a husband/wife is also hard work and your W isn't missing you at all as you're still doing all the stuff you would be doing if you were still in a loving M.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
When my wife was feeling such resentment years ago Why did my W not just say to me then right for a week you have to do everything and her not lift a finger to help perhaps that would have shown me just how hard things were for her and I would have been forced to take note sooner and perhaps we would not have got to this point who knows.....
You werent in a place to listen and understand anyway. Trust me, it would not have made a difference.
By the way, you set some goals a few months back. How are you coming with them?
I am training three times a week the last week I have stepped it up to five times and I am feeling better still have a long way to go
Spending more time wth my children and my relationship with my eldest daughter has improved massively
I have had days when I have go to breaking point and have almost said let's call it a day I am done but I know this is not what I want I do want my W back the lady that I remember kind sweet loyal but this person did not make her happy
Re reading detachment thread and I keep working on me
Keep in control of the things I can control Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Been working my goals still working out at the gym feeling much fitter bit not loosing much weight very disappointed need to work harder
So woke up this morning and had a feeling of loss I am fairly sure I had dream about living apart
So how do I handle when my W turns arround and says I am going away with my girl friend for a weeks holiday abroad you can have the kids I feel this will happen soon
W and I have been getting along I think pretty well but she is getting more distant I really struggle with the thoughts of us living apart
We live in a house with a swimming pool and I have noticed that she is much more discreet when she is arround me
Things are never going to be the same again between us I feel so much space is coming between us and I can see that she has moved to a different plan ce in her mind I still need to do this but I cannot because I do not want to let go of my W and the life that I have.
I know much the same from me nothing changes and it will not change until I change something
I don't have a plan a or a plan b
So,I spin and spin and wait for a change but nothing is changing
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
On the one hand, you read to be resigned to a hopelessness that nothing you do will have any impact. That your fate is already sealed and it is only a matter of time until you reach the end of this road. On the other hand, you read terrified that you might make a mistake and cause things to get "worse". As if as long as you dont do anything, then you can stay in this stasis forever as long as you dont do anything.
Let me tell you something: This state ou are in right now IS the worst. No matter which way you move, things will get better.Your fear of living apart is far worse than the actuality of living apart. Your fear of single parenting is far worse than the actual effect of single parenting.
You have no reason to be afraid. You cannot make things worse. Only better.
