Aftermath

[TimR]

Thanks JujuB. I hope things are improving for you. The youngest is doing well but I wish I could see him more. The oldest is having a hard time unfortunately. Since I am no longer the buffer between the kids and WW, she takes her moods out on them from what they tell me. Both report S16 takes the brunt of it. Oddly S16 was the most supportive of her and her decisions.

As far as the D I am sure she pushed and pushed for it to get at me and is now delaying to get at me again. Apparently, it is bothering her that I have moved one and am happy. She has spewed about me getting a new car, about me cycling (apparently she thinks I have a new bike, which actually was hanging in the garage the entire time we were together), about my GF etc. Funniest part is when she is going to start spewing she starts her text with "I am really happy for you, I am but..."

After dropping the rope for a few months and after I realized there is no way I would ever want her back, I will say I have learned this:
1. I was never really happy with her. I question why I was so upset about WW leaving me when I she always just treated me as an object to pamper to her.

2. I should be grateful to her... in a way... because her infidelity saved me many more years of torment. Since I have been away from WW I have reconnected with my father and he has commented about how much more at ease and happy I am.

3. How very depressed I was, especially the last year and a half. I was in my bedroom sleeping every chance I got. I was withdrawn from everything except S13, I think because he was the one that gave me glimmers of happiness. I had no motivation to do anything and was close to 200 lbs. Since, I enjoy socializing, working out, cycling and hardly ever nap. When I do nap it is because I am tired.

4. How much more perceptive and assertive I am. I am much more attune to how GF is feeling and I can actually talk about feelings.

5. Finally, the heap of trust issues she left me with. This is the hard one. I really have trust issues now. I am suspicious of everyone. The saving grace in this is that I recognize it and have come to peace with it. I believe if someone is going to cheat or lie to you, there is nothing you can do to avoid it. Being on edge about it only serves to hurt yourself and building relationships. Rather, I believe you have to resign yourself to make leaps of faith and if it happens it happens, just enjoy the times you have.

So that is where I am right now. Rebuilding and rediscovering myself.