So he went on vacation with our daughters on a road trip. I have to work so I couldn't go. I offered to meet them for a weekend and he said no. On the day before he left he said that there was going to be a gal he didn't know well at the campground. They went to college together and had mutual friends that he was visiting. Well it turns out there were not mutual friends that they were visiting and she wasn't just at the campground she was at the same campsite with him.
They spent all day together with her two kids and our two kids and over night at this place. He drove her car and he filled her car with gas with our money. He called me and told me he was excited about working on this house that we just went into contract on and he wanted me to know that he was excited to do this with me but he also needs to have his space and not have me get so jealous. I said OK But he said all this before I found out that there wasn't any other couple and they were sharing the camp site, etc. Who does all that with someone they don't know well? And my part was that I friended her on facebook and then asked my 10 year old daughter who had me on speaker phone if they met the other couple... I was wondering why I was only seeing this womans' kids and this woman in the car when my daughter facetimed me. I'm not sure if this makes sense the way I'm telling it out of order.
So it started to feel good with us for a split second and then he either lied to me or just very much mislead me about his plans. He grabbed the phone from my daughter and said he was driving and I had no right to interrogate our daughter who clearing didn't even want to talk with me and I was creepy and sick and needed help. So I get that my behavior wasn't perfect but then again he's demanding trust and then deliberately misleading me about his plans. I'm quite positive he'd be very unhappy for me to go on a camping trip in a beautiful place with a dad and his kids and our kids and I said he was just at the campground (not a shared site.) It was very hurtful to me. And after hanging up my daughters phone he texted me how awful I was and just as he was getting hopeful about us working out and that if I didn't apologize for my behavior he would prefer to separate. I thought about trying to explain how hurtful he was being to not tell me he had a plan to go with a single woman on a camping trip! I keep slipping I thinking maybe it's ok but no, it's not. But logic and talk never have worked with him so I just didn't respond. He wrote a bunch more texts saying the same thing. Then nothing until tonight. He posted all these beautiful photos of the location of their campsite - I've never seen a more magical sight - never camped somewhere like that with him - Then tonight a bunch of hours later with me only calling our daughters but not him. He texts several other paranoid things he's mad at me for.. I start to think that in fact he does want to repair the relationshp but doesn't want to get blamed for the massively (in my opinion) wrong choice to hide the true nature of this camping trip from me. I have continued to ignore his texts. I can't be with someone AND sign off on their deception. He wants his cake and to eat it too. They may not have been sexually intimate but they were surely emotionally intimate. Earlier in the day he promised not to have sex with anyone without discussing it with me first. I assumed that meant kissing too but clearly he's being very careful with his words so I can think one thing but he didn't actually say that one thing. In the texts tonight he asks me if I really want to blow up our relationship by talking to his aunt.
I guess since I always try to explain the error of my and his ways - not talking at all and taking no bait is a 180. He clearly wants to engage me in an argument so he can't out talk me. I'm not sure what to do about being in contract on a house together but maybe that will still be better than renting to have bought one house? I have no idea. The mortgage is much smaller than rent.
I am reading the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up the japanese art of decluttering. It's helping me to get rid of everything with holes and demand only the best of the best of my stuff remain because I deserve only the best. If I AM going to leave him I need that attitude. Though truly that isn't what I want but going the way I've been going has shown him he can get away with murder and just control me while he acts badly and he can blame me for his feeling bad when he does something stupid. If there's a way to save the marriage that also makes the marriage a good marriage to begin with then I'm in otherwise I need to wise up and strengthen up and get out of dodge. Easier said than done with kids etc. Any thoughts?
Last edited by Cadet; 07/19/1607:48 AM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
