It has been a heck of a year. I've tried to DB as best as I could. I think I have done OK and WW has been making moves back towards over the last few months. I'll open this thread with my girl Feyth's quote from my previous thread:
Originally Posted By: Feyth
Hi Pinn, Good plan. I agree with Sotto. Just sit back. No pushing.
It seems like you had a nice weekend. Yeah!
Here's a nugget to just keep under your hat for now. She is wondering why you are not pursuing. But why would you? After BD and all the messiness around it, why would you? You both haven't had the R talk and it's no place to bring it up yourself right now. But seriously, after all that went down, you are supposed to pine after her with no discussion about the sitch and no remorse expressed by her? Really?
We know DBing and we know that we have to treat them like a scared squirrel and get them to come to us so its not appropriate (right now) for you to be placing emotional boundaries at all. Right now the goal (if you want to R) is to build that friendship... But I think it's interesting that she is openly wondering why you are not pursuing even after she behaved so poorly a year ago. I would like to see her express a little trepidation in approaching you... After all YOU are the prize. You've done the work. Has she?and is she worth it?
Again, no action is needed from you right now, but don't act just because she wants you to. That seems like it would be taking one tiny step back into your old habits. Overall, however, I think you are staying true to yourself through this process and no matter what happens you'll be better than fine. Sit back... Keep letting her come to you a little bit longer... Keep being a friendly neighbor.
Great post Feyth... always making me think! I appreciate that.
That is a great point! Why should I pine for her? I actually want to say that to her, but that probably would not be a good move. You are right, we have not had a serious R talk yet and I am certainly not going to bring it up right now. I think she has shown small tid bits of remorse here and there, but certainly not enough. I think it could come with time though.
I am not sure if she has done the work, I don't think I can ask or make demands at the moment. The only thing I know that she has done is that she read the 5 love languages after I suggested it. Besides that I've told her it would be a ton of work. I think she would be fine with consuling. I think she would be fine with no contact in regards to the felon. He is not of concern to me, that was never going to work. Future OM2 or 3 or 4 is what concerns me. I think she would be hesitant to a transparency plan. So in terms of work, I guess we will see if she wants to put in the effort or not. Worst case is that I am in this same spot 2-3-5-10 years down the road. I would rather get divorced now.
Is she worth it? Not sure. I am certainly tired of dealing with this over the course of the last 20ish years.
Yea I think I will let her pursue a bit more. Maybe I am taking a small step backwards, not sure. She has been aggressive lately but we'll see if it continues. I think a serious R discussion will have to happen soon. Either way I'll keep on keeping on. Half marathon sunday!
