ExW has continued to not look for work. She drives for a ride-share company, which I also do in the little bit of off time I have (I call it my alimony job). I am struggling to make the bills and keep the house (which the kids want me to do) while I am paying for 150% of her entire cost of living plus about an extra $600/month for her to put into savings. I don't get to save anything, as I am still paying the credit cards from the attorneys. She also gets to keep the money she makes from her part-time job. She gets to choose when she works and takes frequent trips, while I am working extremely long hours in order to survive. She has already turned down one job and quit another.
I recently retained an attorney in order to impute her income and asked for the spousal support to be eliminated since she refuses to become self-supporting. She received notification last Monday and was FURIOUS. She sent me a text stating that she would no longer be providing more than 50% of the transportation between the two residences and that if I wanted to visit with my children, I would have to pick them up myself, even though I will have to pass my house on the way home to pick them up after a long day of work. She has been dropping them off for nearly two years. She said the order says the drop-off/pick up is something that is mutually agreeable. I said "it is not a mutual agreement". She responded by saying "I will not be agreeing to any other plan". I did not respond other than to tell her that she never ceases to be irrational and unfair to the kids. I have not spoken with her since. I began picking up the kids without a mention of what's going on and have acted like nothing is wrong.
I hesitated to take her back to court, because I was afraid I would make her mad. After months of therapy and input from family and friends, I realized that if I was afraid she would be angry, then she is not reasonable and I am just going to have to do it.
I am still worried, as she ALWAYS gets her way and knows how to lay on the charm and act like an innocent victim. I don't know why it is that this woman's ability to manipulate and make me the bad guy scares me so much? I have had many others tell me that she is not reasonable and not to worry about what she and her family members think, but I still do.
I keep running across old e-mails between us and it seems like we had it pretty good. I know I am fooling myself though, as my T points out. I think I was so high on the good times because the angry outbursts, lying, manipulation and false accusations were so bad. I have said to my T that I want what I had. She thinks that it is possible that I only thought I had something.
I still think it is a MLC, as it is much worse now than ever, but not sure. I guess I am still hopeful that it will change. I know if it is, it wont happen any time soon and I don't want THAT person back yet anyway. My T says that most Axis II personalities almost never get better. I am still hopeful, but realizing that it may never happen. I am still trying to deal with the fact that the family is no longer integrated. Trying to GAL, but it is still hard.
