Such a similar dynamic for me as well. Is this a universal gender battle or just similar because we were all a part of such dysfunctional relationships that ended in divorce?
My husband made this remark about how much he had to compromise. I think a very real issue was that he did not understand that once there are children involved sacrifice and compromise becomes a requirement.
A big issue for us was his sleeping late. I mean sleeping till 3 or 4 on weekends and then getting to work after 12 during weekdays and having to make it up in the evenings. (No he did not work night shifts) during the week I worked part time and when I was not working I was taking care of son. During the weekends I wanted husband to spend time with us. I wonder if the waking up late was a passive aggressive way to avoid that. I would wait around and then he would get up and tell me he had to run errands before the stores would close. If he did wake up and do something he was so moody and resentful. It wasn't even fun. Plus he could only wake up with me constantly nagging him to get up which left us both in bad mood. He felt that going places with us was a huge compromise. A lot of the time I would just call my parents so that I had someone to go hiking with, or go to beach with, or apple picking with,or to museums with etc.
Now he does these sort of day trips with his mom every other weekend. As if to say, "see when your not involved i will get up". (Although I know through son my MIL is the one that is up with him in the mornings and putting him to bed at night... so I am basically sharing custody with my MIL! (I know how much worse that could be for those of you who have OW taking care of kids)
I know I shouldn't be ranting about this anymore. I know how common it is for guys to take the back seat on family activities..I know my husbands mother was the one that did everything in his household and my father was the one that always wanted to go places with us (to the point that my mom would make jokes about giving us money to go places with and tire out dad) so expectations were screwy and very different baackgounds to begin with.
I do fear this dynamic though and maybe it would be better to just do it alone.
Thanks for listening. I know it doesn't matter anymore. It's something I still think about though. I don't know how it could have been handled differently. And I am afraid of next spouse not wanting to spend time with me either.
