I don't have a place to diagnose anyone, and I know my W wouldn't want to hear anything of that sorts from me... even if I was qualified. but there's always been a part of me that knew I was relied on to "keep her together." Even thinking back of past situations, her "trust" issues for instance: when i'd bring up how she shouldn't have to feel like she needs to go through my phone, look at the bills/logs, verify with my friends/family that I'm doing what I actually told her I'm doing, she always has the response similar to, "when things are good, I don't need to do any of those things, but when things are worrying, something takes over and I just need to do that to make myself feel better about it"...
I realize some of this is just normal human behavior, but I still feel there should be limits, and someone who is in control of themselves would learn over time, that these kinds of things are not normal and need to be dealt with in a professional environment, or with lots and lots of self-study, reflection, and transformation.
I'm not really dwelling on this, for me. Part of me just really feels bad that this happened right when things were "getting better" and "more friendly" between us, and then again - right before she leaves to have some peace and quiet by herself away from this town. I truly feel bad for her right now, and I want her to get better: mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. I know that's not my job to do this though, she needs to come to these terms herself, and she has to be the one to realize, and make the changes in herself to find her way.
I shared the story because WTF. While my outlook on the M and the D has changed dramatically, I was enjoying the "friendship" it felt like we were rekindling, but I know there is still a lot of inner battles going on within her. Likely, there will be a lot of "one minute this, next minute that" for a long time to come. I'm on a good path, I'm taking pretty good care of what I consider important to me right now, if there is one spot I'm not doing that, it's taking care of her, but unfortunately that's the one thing I just can't do at this time until she's ready for it... if and/or when she's ever ready for it.
