First Buds

[mustardseed]

I had a dream a few nights ago that I was standing outside and watched a family of black bears walk about. There were three, walking in line in size order. As the passed a German shepherd stood growling and barking trying to antagonize the bears.

I don't know who I was standing with--I'm assuming it was family members, but we were all in awe of how the three bears walked passed the growling dog unfazed. After they passed we all sighed and laughed in relief that the bears didn't attack. Then all of a sudden one of them came charging back and tore the dog to pieces.

Even though I was on the sidelines in the dream. In awe of the bears and feeling concern for the dog. I am starting to wonder if I was also the bear (with my two children). Apparently dreaming of bears can represent competition, and maternal protectiveness. I have been obsessing over certain accusations H made that were verbatim words that OW had said to me over a year ago when she told me my M was over. They were a twisted version of something I said, and involves the kids. I feel like I need to set the record straight about what was actually said and what I meant but I know that it is useless and will just make me look worse.

In the dream the dog was antagonizing the bears, but we were horrified when the bear attacked. She was an incredible and awesome beast when she walked by with her cubs. But when they weren't around she was terrifying. That might also be someone reflective of how I feel. It is easy for me to take the high road and do what I need to do when the kids are around. But when they aren't my thoughts can be quite terrifying.