Being good at disagreement

[rich4j]

I am in the final phases of a divorce and was the recipient of the divorce :-) ...after about 11 years and a young daughter.

Surprised? yes/no. We had issues

But for the theme of this post, I totally agree being good at disagreement but also the poorly over used term of communication and the style of communication. My STBX was a bully and has the "not my fault" syndrome. Not just with me but all her interactions. The world is at fault for all her problems.

So we were not good at disagreement. Because it would be me just burying my feelings, resenting her more.....detaching more...and dissapearing more becuz it was useless. Her on the other hand maybe just needed someone stronger so they could stand up to her bullying when there was a disagreement and maybe that would work for her. Not me....

Communication in terms of being able to be open and honest of what you need and what is missing and just "what" with the other person able to accept it and not be defensive is another thing you have to be good at together...which is hard.

I too cringe about all the new stories I read.they are sad...have similar themes...

I still think that marriage is a super tough road to go down and that its too easy to get married and divorced :-) Too many "channels" of media , both TV , social and the like have killed the instituation of marriage IMHO. Its not a fantasyland where passion is there every day, every year etc....you need to work at it and you may fall in and out of love at adifferent times. But you loved enough hopefully to make the vow and I am big at commitment. Also understand if you are miserable then it is no way to live life. But you need to discuss communicate, be open and vulnerable, and give it your all without giving up. And if all fails, amicably and lovingly walk away but cheating to me is inexcusable and for the weak minded. Its an excuse...