Being there to help v going dark:balance

[Surfer]

Surfer - actually it's better, much better than it was during the A. Still nowhere near a reconciliation but I managed to wait out the A enduring a lot of pain thanks to a lot of support both here and from good friends.

Almost every day I can feel W getting closer to me, mostly in little things like a smile, a shared laugh etc. The disgust and disdain she showed me during the A is pretty much completely gone. I asked W to reconcile about 3 weeks after the A ended. She had still been going on about leaving (she started out as a WAW who never actually left). She said she needed to think about it and that was about 3 weeks ago and still no answer but I've not been pressuring her focusing on GAL and being independent.

Based on some pressure from my sisters in law I've gone completely dark on a visit to one of my brothers this weekend. "They" think it will help make W miss me and perhaps push her closer to deciding to reconcile - they know nothing about standard DBing even though this is one of the 180 techniques. It's been tough on me - but 180s tend to be tough. I haven't read your whole thread but I had been focusing on being a "lighthouse" which meant being there to support and help which was a role I was comfortable with because that was what I was regularly through our marriage.

As far as hope goes .... I still stamp it out whenever I see it. I've been disappointed too many times and I always doubt that what I think I'm seeing is real.