Just working the process, but wondering when......

[cbtdad]

I haven't posted in a few days. Just kind of been laying low.
I had an IC appointment that went well on Wednesday. We discussed how things were going in my life and how I've really opened up about my verbally abusive and controlling ways. I even sent my dad an email about it and sent him a copy of the book I read. He was very receptive. I talked to my IC about how things are going so well other than being in separate bedrooms and lack of PT. She said that I need to remember where things were a couple months ago and compare them to now. That it's still going to take time. I told her that I would like to be back in MBR by the time S starts school which is on August 11th. She said that she thought I should bring that up as a goal in MC. And that when I brought it up to just let W know that it's about moving forward, not about PT or sex.
We went to MC yesterday. It went well. W said she is noticing a difference, but is still hyperfocused on her school, our son, and her mom. She is compartmentalizing everything. I said that I have noticed how much she has on her plate and that my goal right now is to try and make it easier. This is a complete 180 for me! I was always adding to the stress. She pointed out a few examples. How I backed her up against a neighbor and took her side. That we are able to communicate when we are mad at each other and what we are mad about. That when she sees my name pop up on her phone that she doesn't get anxiety and start getting stressed.
Overall it was very good MC session, but I never brought up being back in MBR by August 11th. In the end I don't know why I didn't bring it up. Maybe I was afraid of her reaction. Maybe I am hoping she will bring it up and request that. In any event it didn't get brought up, but I plan to in the next MC session.
Fast forward to last night. We had people over. W and I were getting along all night. Joking, drinking wine, just having fun
Later on after everyone left she laid on the couch. She put her feet on my lap, something she hasn't done in a long time. I ended up giving her a foot and calf massage. Too which she was very receptive and didn't pull away at all.
After that she went and took a bath and then we watched some shows together in the MBR. But in the end I went back to the guest bedroom.
All in all I definitely think things are headed in the right direction. It's just having the patience. Like me and my IC discussed, I am giving a lot and my love tank is not being refilled. In the end that is what can cause resentment and anger. I told IC that I am done putting "dates" on things as far as staying or leaving. I am not going to live in a sexless marriage, but things continue to be headed in the right direction so I am not going to define it either