Look Forward & Ignore the Anger Spew

[Surfer]

Gents, I have had all this too. WW moved out with D8 and S6. You are not a narcissist - you are the LBH and she needs to make you look bad. They all have a story. It's bulls!!t. It is there to justify their actions - because they know they look bad. On good days I think - she is not 'her' and I feel sorry for her. On bad days I just feel so, so hurt. Today was a bad day. But the sun is coming out again!!!

We all need to get to the stage of not giving a sh!t what 'she' does or thinks. If she was some 'random' girl would you care? No! Problem is she IS some random girl as your wife (the woman you married) is a different person and you know that.

Hard bit is having to keep 2 journeys alive and being happy with either. "Reconciliation" and "separation/divorce". It feels like she is in control, totally, and this gives you a lack of control and extreme anxiety at times. However, if you GAL and make yourself happy no matter what the outcome - you are in control. You control your happiness and she has no control, because you are happy and you don't get absorbed in what she feels, what she is up to etc.

Guys it's cr@ppy I know. But there needs to be a bit of positive self talk and getting those b@lls back...

When she labels you - she is gaslighting mostly I expect. I found my WW did this (narcissist, passive aggressive you name it). I found so many parallels in her behavior and the labels she attempted to give me. Why, I think it works like this. This of the school bully. The school bully makes you feel "worthless" - he wants to bully you to make you feel this. Actually, the life of the school bully is dysfunctional. He is bullied by his alcoholic Dad who calls him "worthless" etc. The bully is actually (pre-bullying) the one who is hurt and [feels] worthless. I have a theory that when the angry spouse offers you these labels - she sometimes actually describing her how she is behaving.