MLC vs Midlife Reboot

[ciluzen]

Yes, that's what I thought, too, Job. That he wanted to temp check. Or just check.

I attributed it to tiredness on his part, but he seemed awkward...like he wasn't sure what he wanted to do while at my apartment. I just tried to be light. It took him 5 minutes to look at me when he first showed up...he greeted the dog, handed me the check and some other mail which we discussed. Then he looked right at me and said, "its not that short!", in a surprised way. He was referring to my hair. I had mentioned that my hair had been breaking off all at the same level and that I had to cut it short...he apparently had visions of a boy cut, not the just above shoulder length that I got. I also showed him that I dyed it. He immediately talked about how he hadn't done that yet. I told him he didn't need to...his gray looked good on him.

When he mentioned that he had mailed the other check, I said, "so that's why you wanted my address!" (smiling). He looked surprised, then said "well, that and other things". He had a funny frown on his face that I couldn't read.

I know I still dwell on his every interaction with me, but I kind of do that with everyone. But more so H because I'm still baffled by his behavior most times. I do know this. He is in a weird spot that he got himself into. IF he ever considered reconciliation, he has some difficult issues to overcome.

Everything I've read about piecing demands that OW must be out of the picture. Here's where things get tricky.
A) The vacation home is partly (very tiny amount) owned by Bubbles'family. He is tied to her because of that. We could buy them out, but
B) Bubbles brings all of the fun to the vacation spot. She has kids, kids have friends, those friends have parents... she brings tons of people to vacation home, H has become friends with them (or at least is very social) and that would be something he wouldn't give up. It reminds him of his big family gatherings at his grandparents' vacation home, I'm sure.
C) Bubbles does the same at H's office. She has brought in so many clients that I know if she left it might impact his business in a big way. He's great at what he does, but client loyalty is a risk. After I caught wind of his time spent alone with her 3 years ago, during one of my "venting sessions" to him about it, he yelled (frustrated), "what do you want me to do? Fire her? She works hard for me!" I see that he is a bit conflicted.

I know we're not even close to piecing, but I've made it very clear to him how I feel about her and how I'm not a point where I'm ready to forgive or even want to look at her. I have my boundaries. I wonder if, when we have such great interactions at times if he is weighing those factors against R? I feel that he has chosen her over me, but at this point I don't see that being an easy web to disentangle from.
I wonder sometimes if I took that pressure off of him, let him know that I have my own friends and interests now and that I can accept that he can have his, if I let go of the Bubbles issue, just really let it go (I don't have to be friends with her), if that would give him any freedom to make a different decision?

We're a little over one week away from mediation. I feel I have to let him make the effort to set up contact with me if he doesn't want to do the appointment. But I also feel that if we talk financials for D that that is not the time to bring up what I just mentioned above. I'm realizing that I'm going to have to be one of those people that has to just let D happen.