I'm really struggling with detachment. I don't feel like I'm making any progress in that area. My heart still just feels ripped out and thrown in the trash. Does anyone have any advice at all as to how to do this, when you're still living in the same house, still sleeping next to each other, and you're both trying to keep the kids from figuring it out yet? It seems impossible that this will ever be anything other than the worst thing ever.
JRuss,
I didn't really detach until my wife moved out. After she moved out, I didn't actively try to detach, it was just that she was removed from the equation and I was able to gain a new perspective. Unfortunately (sort-of), the new perspective was, "I'm no longer subject to the tyranny of the WW!!!" Life was good again and I was getting things done around the house. It was a relief. The huge downside was that my sons split their time between the two of us; they hate it and I hate it.
My experience is certainly not universal. I've read many posts on this forum where the LBS is still pining for the WS. That may be a more normal and natural response; I don't know. I loved and adored my wife, but I'd become a doormat and that clearly didn't suit me.
My two cents: I don't think detachment is something that occurs overtly, I think it's implicit in the process of moving on with your life. In other words, I think actively trying to detach actually causes you to remain attached.
