My turn... Part 3

[Cole_]

I'm home after work and sitting in my apartment wondering when this gets easier. I have plans to meet up with a friend this weekend and I'm heading to the gym in an hour, but for now I'm just missing my family and wondering what they're doing.

I appreciate the comments and hope I'm not coming off as adversarial. I really do want to try and forgive and move past my anger but I also consider myself a man of honor and integrity and that seems to compel me, right or wrong, to hold all of us accountable.

In all honesty, the one thing that would make this easier would be for OM to contact me, demonstrate remorse, and request forgiveness. I know that's a foolish thing to think about, but it's always much easier to forgive someone when they are truly asking for forgiveness. Maybe it's just human and admittedly naive to believe people feel guilt and remorse when they hurt you and genuinely desire forgiveness.

I know in my heart that what I have to do is simply move on with my life and let whatever happens happen. I know I have to approach this as if we are already divorced and I'm rebuilding myself and my life. I have to pretend that I'm already in the first few years after the divorce, when my focus is on improving myself and healing myself and learning more about myself and what makes me happy as an individual so that if/when the time comes that I'm ready to look for a new relationship I'm healed and won't bring along any baggage.

I can say all of those things, but it still doesn't make it easier.