Vise, Thanks for stopping by my thread. Your thread is one that I check out as often as I can. I will try to stop by soon.
Regarding the lies, I need to stop focusing on them. I can lament the lying forever, but it does me no good. I need to accept that there are liars in the world, among them my WW. With every lie, she degrades herself and her self esteem. When there is finally an accounting (in this world or the next), she will have lots of explaining to do. Letting her lies hurt me and trying to catch her in her lies is a waste of time. Worse, it is counter-productive. I re-read ericmsant2's The STAR is inside of you. I think I should read it daily. I think every DBer should read it daily. Focusing on my WW's lies, focusing on my WW at all, distracts me from the real work I have to do on myself. Similarly, anger also distracts me from the REAL WORK. Focusing on WW's behavior and being angry both have FEAR at their root. I need to get over my fears and accept that I cannot control the outcome of anything. In short, let go, and let G-d.
I listened to a great lecture on anger this week. I have said it before, but it bears repeating: anger is the poison you take, hoping someone else will die. And it is poisoning me. it affects physical health, emotional health, relationships, productivity. The great Jewish philosopher and physician Maimonides states that, unlike almost all other "negative" emotions which confer some benefit in small doses, no amount of anger is good or beneficial. Of course, we are all prone to anger sometimes. Nevertheless, we should avoid anger as much as possible because no good can come of it. Anger prevents intimacy ("into me see") - it prevents us from looking into ourselves and facing our own fears and insecurities. Anger, which feeds off of our emotions, clouds our judgement, which relies on our intellect. Dear fellow DBers: how did your S respond the last time you got angry? did they soften up or dig in their heels? Did they realize their errors and repent or did they respond in kind - with anger? Did they change their views and suddenly agree with yours? Anger is so obviously useless yet we continue to go down this cheeseless path. I am not sure why G-d wired use to get angry. Perhaps anger motivates us to change? Perhaps it merely serves as a stumbling block to our progress. I never considered myself an angry person, but if even a little anger is a bad thing, then we all have a lot of work to do.
Gratitude: My car was rear-ended a few months ago. the insurance company finally agreed to cover my claim. yay. I have a trainer at my local fitness center who is dedicated to whipping me into shape. Two more people approached me this weekend in a show of support for my difficult sitch. It seems like my whole community knows. This forum, for being an excellent outlet for my thoughts, and a new source of friends. Family, family, family.
Does any one remember those signs outside construction sites that say "It has been ___ days since the last accident"? I really feel like this is a nice way to show gratitude. It is very easy to take things for granted when everything is going well. Perhaps we should all have signs like that, to remind us how everything can be taken away in a heartbeat. I am thankful for all I have and for all that I do not have.
