No, H hasn't arranged a time to discus our D details yet. He did text me yesterday to tell me he was sent a refund check from our home insurance that he wanted to bring me. I told him I have a box of his stuff here and that he could drop by some day after work if he wanted and we could trade. He texted back that he could come tonight after work and then added, "(and after <activity I do with friends every week>!). I thought it was funny he felt the need to bring that up (its just a fun running group). I texted back that I can't do that activity until my class is over at the end of summer and gave him a time I would be home. So, I will actually see him tonight. I haven't seen him since we finished moving, 2 weeks ago.
My plan is to just be here to give him his stuff. I'm having no expectations of anything so that I'm prepared to be non-reactive to everything. If he brings up mediation or meeting to discuss D, I'll just go with it. I just will show acceptance and be pleasant. My confusion about his actions doesn't change my route on this journey. I'm just staying true to who I'm finding I am.
Although school is a bit difficult (I want top grades) and time consuming, I realize how lucky I am to have a job with summers off because I can throw myself into being a student and still have some time to be with my friends. I like my apartment and my dog is starting to get used to her new routines as well. I have fun activities planned (farmers market, live music and dinner at some fun food trucks last night, hiking tomorrow, comedy show and dinner on Saturday)to break up the studying. I'm thinking more and more about what will make me happy in life with or without H. I still have some major moments of missing his voice, his smell, talking with him about everything (I love how his mind works), his sense of humor...but that's ok. Its only been almost a year since BD. I have yet to be a week without some communication with him, so my last resort technique hasn't really happened yet. We are still linked by the last of the house sale details, our car insurance is still merged, and we have a few other things that need to be worked out. But we are supposedly 2 weeks away from our final mediation (and D). It looks like my true start to my LRT will be after D. Does that make me look too pathetic?
I truly believe its still worth the effort and hope.I still see something, not just from my side. I just don't know what that something is. So my door remains cracked.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
