Chapter 3. Let the detachment begin

[bigybiz]

Sandi2 & SH Does she have a real reason to be scared of me, in some cases yes.

I've never yelled or sworn at her, I've certainly never hit her and/or our children. I used to run up and down the stairs and come in the house with "bluster". But, there have never been any slamming doors or me taking off in anger and no alcohol or any other issues.

Have I been angry at her - yes and visa versa. Her mother was a alcoholic who was full of anger, etc. W had to grow up being the peace keeper. She is now saying that I should have known this and been more aware and sensitive in dealing with her. Yes, I could have.

In the last year, she has kept secrets and ambushed me with things then is "surprised" that I get upset, when I find out - at the last minute, etc, So the pattern repeats, even to this day.

I've been very irresponsible financially. She has lived with the phone ringing from debt collectors, a massive tax bill and once the mtg was recalled and we had to scramble to find a new mtg company. Is she scared I could continue to ruin her financially. Yes, but steps have been taken to prevent that in the future. I'm OK with it, it's up to her if she want's to accept it.

The big one, last fall she had an EA. I witnessed it take place, her behavior, travel, interrupting family and other activies to get to her phone, at the time fueled my speculation. I asked her and asked her if she was having a PA (I did not know about EA and the time). She denied it, I could see the lie in her face. I started to snoop on her phone. I asked her direct questions -she still denied it. I pulled a massive deception to expose her EA. I contacted him when it was out in the open and told him to not talk to my wife. He agreed and dropped her like a stone. When it comes up - sometimes she agrees that she was responsible for her behavior and she did romanticize him and she admits that she may have deceived me. Sometimes she says it was just a friendship and it's normal to have flirty messages with male friends.

So yes, she could have legit reasons to be scared. Is it "trumped up" and something that gives her strength - yes.