Emotional Availability and Detachment

[TripleJ]

Good points, all of you, on this friendship topic. And if I may, I would like to throw my two cents into this.......

Friendship is really important to me. I have many aquaintances, but few I consider friends. There are terms such as true friends, or best friends and so forth, but for me, I really don't distinguish. Being friends is something sacred to me.

With that, I do hope that one day I can be friends with my XW, but for now, I consdier her an aquaintance. Why you may ask? Well, I will tell you all.

There is a condition when I enter a friendship with someone, a certain silent but understood dynamic. It is along the lines of the give and take sitch. If I enter a friendship with someone, I will give and give and give, and ask for nothing in return, but do have the understanding that if I ever need anything and become a taker, I can turn to this person and will receive help in any form.

An aquaintance to me is someone who I know and I will give and give, but have the understanding that any giving may not necessarily make me feel as if I can rely on the same thing coming back to me.

As I write this, it sounds pretty selfish. Expecting something in return for any deed that I do. But what I ask in return can not be quantified or measured. Its a feeling.

With that said, I feel that my XW is an aquaintance right now.

I may be a tad restrictive, select, or whatever it needs to be labeled, if at all. But my point is, I value a friendship more than anything. If I can't have a friendship with someone, then really, that person does not deserve much of my time. I will not deny that person time, but time will be limited.

Friendships take time. Friendships need to develop. But most importantly, friendships start in the heart. And up until recently, i haven't allowed anyone to enter my heart for fear of loss. My heart is open now and I am developing some good friendships. I just hope one day I can have that friendship with my XW.

Triple J