I posted to you a few times in the past. I used to be RodeoWidow. I changed my name because I am no longer a Rodeo Widow.
H and I have been back together since the end of December. My H attempted reconciling 3 times before I finally was willing to try. The first time was the day after he had a one night stand. I did not know what had happened at the time (I found out a month ago). ( This was on November 16. We had been seperated yet living in the same house since the end of August) All I saw was that H was acting weird and was trying to talk to me like nothing had happened. I did not know what the motivation was and the sudden change in his demeanor scared me. I was friendly but kept my distance. The day after Thanksgiving H starts talking to me even more. Following me through the house talking to me. Desperately trying to engage me in conversation. I still had no idea what was going on so I just kept doing what I was doing. The first week of December H tells me he thinks that the dogs need to sleep upstairs because it is cold in the basement. I tell him I am not letting them sleep upstairs because they keep running from room to room because they are confused as to why H is sleeping in the other bedroom. H says OK I will sleep in the bed with you. This totally freaked me out. He still hadn't said anything about reconciling. He came back to the bed. It lasted 3 days before I had a backslide due to lack of sleep and demanded to know what the heck he wanted from me. H then moved back to the other room. On Christmas Eve H asked me to go to the casino with him. We had fun but still no mention of what he wants. The day after Christmas H comes to me and says I want to make our M work but I am afraid that nothing will change and we will go back to fighting all the time. It took that for me to start working on our M. I had to know what he wanted. I needed to know that he saw a problem with our old M. I couldn't just suddenly act like nothing had happened. Something had happened, we almost got divorced.
Once we started piecing it took months for us to discuss the issues that led to the bomb. We were in a good place when I discovered the ONS. I suspected that something happened that night and never wanted to believe it. Having it confirmed ripped my heart out. H and I are now trying to DB are way past this. The good thing is I now have H to comfort me when I cry and to reassure me that he won't leave or do anything like that again.
It took my H a long time to work up the courage to tell me he wanted to try again. He was hinting all around it but actually saying it out loud to me was hard for him. I see positives in your W. She is waffling like my H did. She may want to reconcile but is afraid that she is making a mistake and doesn't want to get hurt again.
The only advice I can give is keep doing what you are doing and give it time. I think in a way H came back on my terms. I didn't jump all over the chance to reconcile the first few times he tried. I think if I would have come running the first time he tried that nothing would have changed. We would have went back to our old M and I never wanted to go back there again.
