First post here...just starting to GAL and 180.

[JRuss]

Buxom -- just wanted to drop by to try to give you a little support. My sitch isn't exactly like yours other than that we're both still living with our spouses. I find it really, really difficult to detach, especially with two kids (D12, S9) in the home who we are trying to shield from what's going on as much as possible, which causes me to probably be more outgoing/available with W than I would be were we alone (or, certainly, if we were separated). The wayward being there helps from the GAL perspective, though, because they see everything new you're doing, how you're getting healthier, stronger, happier (even if you're faking a little or a lot) which they couldn't do much if they didn't still live with us, but it makes detaching much, much harder, I think. So we're in a bit of the same boat on that side of things.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I understand how hard implementing the DB techniques can be when the WW/WH is right there, in the house, doing what they do. I find it very difficult not to try to see how she's feeling, if there's any change, etc. I know it's not helpful and is in fact harmful (pursuing), but getting there really does require a huge effort and fundamental change. I try not to beat myself up when I screw up, but I tend to to it anyway, because I know it sets things back to where they were before any progress started each time.

THe GALing I find a lot easier/natural than the 180/direct interaction work. When in doubt, or really struggling with wanting to reach out (pursue), I retreat to somewhere quiet and start brainstorming new or additional ways to GAL in the immediate short-term (i.e., next week or so), then I really try to follow through with those. I think it will only ever change for us in the way that we hope it will if our waywards wake up one day and realize we're not "there" in the way we've always been. And even then, we'll have to be strong and not let them just re-establish the old dynamics, if/when that happens.

Hang in there!